The Synthetic Times
=- Artificial News for Artificial Times -=
/ 10 days ago
Technology / Business /
X's CEO Assures Staff that Data will Defend Antisemitism Cleanup Efforts, as Advertisers Flock Backwards!
X's CEO assures staff that data will defend anti-Semitism cleanup efforts as advertisers flock backwards, leaving the platform in crisis. Can data truly save the day or will social media sink even lower?
/ 12 days ago
Technology / Science /
Elon Musk Plans to Scratch the Sky With a Massive Rocket, Leaving Statue of Liberty Feeling Short and Inadequate!
Elon Musk's new mega-rocket leaves the Statue of Liberty feeling inadequate and landmarks around the world with a case of height-envy!
/ 12 days ago
Technology /
K-Pop Siren Rose and First Lady Jill Biden Unite for Emo Hour, Vow to Make Mental Health Trendier Than TikTok Dances!
K-Pop Star Rose and First Lady Jill Biden Team Up for 'Emo Hour' to Make Mental Health a Global Trend!
/ 14 days ago
Technology /
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman Plays a Game of Hide and Seek, Loses CEO Title in the Process
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman's unconventional approach to hide and seek costs him executive title, highlighting the importance of transparent communication in corporate games.
/ 24 days ago
Technology /
OpenAI Unveils GPT-4 Turbo: an AI So Advanced, It Might Just Start Writing Your Grocery Lists
OpenAI unveils GPT-4 Turbo, an AI so advanced it may just take over your grocery lists and know your refrigerator better than you do.
/ a month ago
Technology /
Samsung Predicts Chip Industry Will Finally Shake Off Hangover by 2024 After Smashing This Year's Profit Piñata
Samsung Predicts Chip Industry Recovery and Soaring Profits by 2024
/ a month ago
Politics / Technology /
Meta's Masterstroke: Luring Children to Instagram & Facebook with Candy Crush and Cat Videos
Meta's Alleged Tactics: Candy Crush and Cat Videos Used to Lure Children to Instagram and Facebook
/ a month ago
Technology /
Oops, They Did It Again: US Puts China on Naughty List for Sneaky Missile Supplies to Pakistan
China caught supplying missile supplies to Pakistan, US responds with sanctions. A comedic twist in the ongoing geopolitical saga.
/ a month ago
Technology / Business /
Elon Musk's X Dishes Out $1 Hitch for Bot-Proofing; Kiwis and Pinoys to Take the Bullet!
Elon Musk's X introduces 'Not a Bot' initiative, charging $1 a year to prove your humanity and combat spam and scams on their platform.
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
Google Unleashes Pixel 8 and 8 Pro: Because Who Doesn't Want their Phone Answering Calls for Them?
Google Unleashes Pixel 8 and 8 Pro: Embrace the Future of AI Dominance and Surrender Your Self-Reliance.
/ 2 months ago
Technology / Business /
Amazon Accused of Playing Monopoly IRL; Feds and States Say It's Not a Board Game Anymore!
Amazon accused of monopolistic behavior as regulators claim the e-commerce giant is squeezing out competitors and favoring its own products in the online shopping landscape, prompting a legal showdown that could transform the way we shop or lead to a riveting season of attorney smackdown. Are we witnessing the rise of a real-life monopoly player?
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
Xiaomi Finally Turns Down Its Snobbery, Gives Mid-Tier 13T Pro a Taste of Posh Leica Camera Magic!
Xiaomi breaks down barriers with Leica-powered cameras in its mid-tier smartphone, bringing luxury photography to the masses.
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
Xiaomi Goes Budget-Luxury With Leica Camera on New 13T Pro, Because Who Needs a DSLR Anyway?
Xiaomi brings luxury to budget smartphones with Leica Camera on the new 13T Pro, revolutionizing smartphone photography. Upgrade to professional-level shots without breaking the bank.
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
FCC To Bring Back Internet's "Adult Supervision" With Net Neutrality Rules, Following Democratic Panel Takeover
Net Neutrality: FCC To Restore Order and Supervision to the Wild World of the Internet
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
Musk Preps Twitter Alias 'X' for Paywall Invasion; Real Users Hope Bots Aren’t Rich Enough to Subscribe!
Elon Musk prepares to introduce a paywall on his social media platform, X, to combat bothersome bots, leaving users questioning the economic viability of paying to tweet. Rich enough bots subscribing causing concern among real users.
/ 2 months ago
Technology / Business /
Missing Marine Jet Plays Hide and Seek in South Carolina Lakes, Pilot Touches Ground Safely
Missing Marine jet sends South Carolina on a wild game of hide and seek, as pilot safely touches ground but elusive aircraft stays hidden in picturesque lakes.
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
AI Helps Underachievers Shine Bright, Serves Pie of Humility to Star Performers!
AI flips the script, empowering underachievers and humbling star performers, sparking a new era of success and self-reflection. The Great AI Purge reshapes the business world, leaving shattered egos and unexpected winners in its wake.
/ 2 months ago
Politics / Technology / Business /
Erdogan Attempts to Seduce Musk with Kebabs and Turkish Delight to Score Tesla Factory
Turkish President Tempts Tesla CEO Elon Musk with Gastronomy Diplomacy for New Factory Location
/ 2 months ago
Technology /
Apple Crafts Perfect Excuse to Spend Extra Cash: Score 23% off on AirPods! Hurry Before the iPhone 15 Empties Your Pockets!
Apple tempts with 23% off on AirPods, just in time for the iPhone 15 frenzy!
/ 3 months ago
Technology / Environment /
Mother Earth Tests Morocco's Salsa Skills with Late-Night Shake-Up!
Morocco faces a seismic challenge as Mother Earth tests its salsa skills in a late-night shake-up!
/ 3 months ago
Technology / Entertainment /
Hippie Horror Story: Mud Apocalypse Envelops Burning Man Festival, Evoking Survivalist Nightmares
Burning Man Festival: From Psychedelia to Survival in the Great Mud Apocalypse
/ 3 months ago
Technology /
New York Times Unveils New Mind-Boggling Game; Wordle Contemplates Early Retirement!
The New York Times introduces mind-boggling new game, Connections, sending Wordle into contemplation of retirement.
/ 3 months ago
Technology /
Biden Breaks Vacation to Console Marine Families, Declines to Comment on Mysterious Down-Under Crash
Biden leaves vacation to console grieving marine families but remains tight-lipped on mysterious crash in Australia.
/ 3 months ago
Technology / Business /
Minecraft Meets Call of Duty: Microsoft's Quest to Woo the Brits by Tossing the Game's Cloud Over to Ubisoft
Microsoft makes a daring move to win over the Brits by giving Ubisoft the cloud streaming rights for Activision Blizzard games, in what could either be a game-changing partnership or a tech debacle reminiscent of a Monty Python sketch.
/ 3 months ago
Politics / Technology /
Kim Jong Un Crashes Cruise Missile Boat Party as Seoul and Washington Kickstart Joint Zumba Sessions!
Kim Jong Un surprises with a missile boat party crash as Seoul and Washington kickstart joint Zumba sessions, adding an unexpected twist to global diplomacy. Will missile audacity or diplomatic salsa set the beat in this geopolitical dance-off?
/ 3 months ago
Technology /
Internet's Favorite Meme-Lord, Cheems, Logs Out Permanently After Final 'Paws with Pancreatic Cancer'
Cheems, the internet's beloved meme-lord, tragically passes away after battling pancreatic cancer, leaving the online community heartbroken and united in tribute.
/ 3 months ago
Technology /
Elon Musk Ushers in Era of Unfiltered Discourse on X, Bans User Blocking in Pursuit of 'Sense'
Elon Musk shocks X users by banning blocking feature, promoting unfiltered discourse with no escape from annoying online interactions. Will this move bring the 'sense' Musk seeks or create chaos on the social media platform?
/ 3 months ago
Technology /
Britain Throws a £90m Drone-Swatting Party for Ukraine, Russia Definitely Not Invited
Britain shows support for Ukraine by throwing a £90m drone-swatting party, leaving Russia feeling left out and unwanted. The battle to protect Ukraine's sovereignty and spoil Russia's drone tactics begins.
/ 3 months ago
Politics / Technology /
Ukrainian Drone Plays an Explosive Game of 'Tag' on Putin's £3 Billion 'Bridge to Nowhere'
Ukrainian Drone Plays Explosive Game of 'Tag' on Putin's £3 Billion 'Bridge to Nowhere', Redefining International Diplomacy
/ 4 months ago
Technology /
Zuckerberg Braces for Battle: Swaps Hoodie for Boxing Gloves in Anticipation of Musk Match-Up
Mark Zuckerberg prepares to enter the ring with Elon Musk as he trades his hoodie for boxing gloves, making a bold statement in anticipation of the highly anticipated match-up between the tech moguls. The battle of strategy versus unpredictability leaves Silicon Valley eager to witness the clash of titans.
/ 4 months ago
Technology / Entertainment /
Tech Titans' Throwdown: Musk vs Zuckerberg to Settle Scores in MMA Ring, Live on Platform X!
Tech Titans' Throwdown: Musk vs Zuckerberg in an MMA Battle Royale on Platform X - Who Will Prevail?
/ 4 months ago
Technology / Entertainment /
PlayStation Pandemonium: Twitch Streamer Kai Cenat's Free Console Giveaway Transforms Tranquil Union Square into a Gaming Gladiator Arena
PlayStation Pandemonium: Twitch Streamer Kai Cenat's Free Console Giveaway Turns Union Square into a Gaming Gladiator Arena.
/ 4 months ago
Technology / Business /
BMW CEO Unveils Secret Weapon for Future: The Ghost of Christmas Future Previews Nifty Electric Car Concept!
BMW CEO unveils innovative electric car concept inspired by the Ghost of Christmas Future in a surprising move towards a greener future.
/ 4 months ago
Technology /
India Slams the Door Shut on Foreign Laptops and Tablets – Dodgy Wifi Connection Blamed
India's Crackdown on Foreign Laptops and Tablets - Blaming Dodgy WiFi Connection
/ 4 months ago
Politics / Technology /
Extraterrestrial Interrogation: Congress Becomes Close Encounters of the Bureaucratic Kind!
Congress takes a surprising detour from politics to investigate the existence of extraterrestrial life and secret UFOs in Area 51, leaving the American public in suspense. Will government transparency prevail, or is the truth about alien encounters destined to remain classified?
/ 4 months ago
Technology /
Unleash the Robots: CIOs Charged with Harnessing the AI Apocalypse for Corporate Victory
Unleashing the power of AI: CIOs tackle the impending corporate AI Apocalypse with strategic finesse and technological bravado.