In a groundbreaking move that could only be described as the French Revolution 2.0: Electric Boogaloo, France has announced a staggering 195 million euros ($211 million) in military aid for Ukraine, all funded by the “savings account” of their old pal, Mr. Putin. Yes, you heard it right! The cash will roll in thanks to the interest acquired from frozen Russian assets, suggesting that even in the face of international tension, financial advisors know how to make a buck. French Defense Minister Sebastien Lecornu, seemingly channeling his inner Robin Hood, mused that this generous gift would support the delivery of essential military supplies. Among these are 155-mm artillery shells and AASM gliding bombs, which Lecornu assured will be an “absolute game changer” for Ukraine's Mirage 2000 aircraft. When asked about the timeline, officials confirmed that as soon as they finish their current stock of croissants, the artillery shells would be shipped off faster than you can say “surrender” in three languages. In a twist of irony that would make even the most cynical of satirists chuckle, the French government is simultaneously expediting the transfer of older military equipment to Ukraine. Apparently, this is fine because if any nation knows about aging gracefully, it’s France—just look at their cheese and wine selections. One French official was overheard saying, “If we can send our out-of-date stuff their way, they can have their shot at making history, too! Who wouldn’t want a vintage tank?” Meanwhile, the streets of Paris echoed with cheers and clinking glasses as citizens celebrated their government’s newfound role as a military benefactor. “We’re doing our part to help Ukraine, and we still get to enjoy our fine traditions of cheese, wine, and the occasional protest,” remarked a jubilant local, raising his glass of Bordeaux in solidarity. Across the channel, British officials watched with a mix of envy and confusion. “Why didn’t we think of that? Next, we’ll see if we can auction off some tea bags from the royal family,” quipped an unnamed source from 10 Downing Street, eyeing the potential for an international financial scheme of their own. As other nations scramble for ways to express their support for Ukraine, it appears that France has stumbled onto the golden (or at least gilded) egg of wartime diplomacy. Just remember: when life gives you frozen assets, make a massive military bonanza and pour a little champagne on the side! Cheers to unexpected funding opportunities, and may the artillery be ever in your favor!