In a shocking turn of events, the United Nations has announced a dire prediction: by the year 2100, two billion people may find themselves without their necessary ice supplies—not just for cooling beverages but for survival! The report, fittingly titled “Glaciers on a Diet,” estimates that humanity is on a fast track to the ultimate meltdown, leaving glaciers thinner and more despondent than ever. The UN’s findings reveal that glaciers are melting at an unprecedented rate, with some of them likening their diet to a New Year's resolution gone horribly wrong. “It’s like they’re on a juice cleanse, but instead of feeling revitalized, they’re disappearing,” stated a glacier researcher who preferred to remain anonymous, presumably to protect their frosty reputation. “A glacier losing its mass is like a wine connoisseur spilling their vintage—simultaneously tragic and a bit messy,” the researcher added while gesturing at a pristine glacier that was reluctantly becoming a puddle. “We’re talking about potential shortages of drinking water, mountain ecosystems collapsing, and, worst of all, fewer iced lattes! Just imagine the caffeine withdrawals!” The report further emphasizes that losing glaciers equates to losing access to water and food for two-thirds of all irrigated agriculture. Farmers are reportedly scrambling for alternatives, with some brainstorming the possibility of using artisanal ice cubes made from local spring water. “It might become the next trendy option in upmarket cafes—‘Glacial-Chic’ if you will,” claimed one overly optimistic bartender who was already preparing for the artisanal ice shortage of 2030. As glaciers shrink faster than a politician's promise, climate experts stress that society needs to step up its game. “We need to embrace ice conservation,” one advocate proclaimed. “Think of all the great summer activities people will be missing out on—glacier hiking, ice fishing, and, heaven forbid, not being able to take selfies in front of breathtaking ice formations. I mean, can we really afford to lose the ‘gram?” While there’s no immediate plan to save the melting giants, scientists are reportedly plotting to launch an awareness campaign featuring a new mascot, “Glacie the Glacier,” who'll be seen encouraging folks to use less water and rethink their lifestyle choices. The character, who resembles an overly friendly ice cube with googly eyes, aims to resonate with millennials facing their own existential crises. In light of this urgent warning, the world is gearing up for a new reality where the only ice left will be in cocktails—if those ice makers can keep up with demand! For now, everyone is encouraged to drink more iced lattes and think about how they can pitch in to help Glacie and his dwindling peers. Because once the ice is gone, it might just be the last call for those lattes!