In a groundbreaking new initiative aimed at bridging the gender pay gap in sports, the Women's Premier League auction revealed that the market now values England's female cricket stars at about the same price as a cup of tea. As the auction concluded in a spectacle that had all the excitement of watching paint dry, fans were shocked to learn that England captain Heather Knight, along with bowlers Lauren Bell and Sarah Glenn, were left unsold—much like the remnants of last month’s takeout strewn across the floor of your local pub. The auction, designed to empower women in cricket, managed instead to empower tea drinkers everywhere, as the going rate for England’s top talent hovered around a mere £28,000—enough to purchase a round of drinks for a small pub but not enough to ensure Heather Knight can buy herself a decent lunch. Meanwhile, batters Maia Boucher, Sophia Dunkley, and Paige Scholfield were left shaking their heads in disbelief, discovering that their cricketing prowess was worth less than a fancy herbal infusion in trendy cafés. Adding to the drama was the participation of fast bowler Lauren Filer and big-hitting South African Lizelle Lee, both of whom were met with a deafening silence as their names were called out—much like your friend calling your name at a party when you’re already in the “I’m leaving” phase. In a twist of irony, all-rounder Danielle Gibson was signed by the Gujarat Giants for around £28,000, a sum that experts deem “substantial” in the world of women’s cricket, yet also humorously enough to take a team of six to a moderately-priced café without breaking the bank. Interestingly, this amount might also just about cover the costs of a cricket bat or two, depending on quality and if you happen to stumble upon a sale. Gujarat Giants, meanwhile, proved to be the most active team during the draft, which is perhaps no surprise as they seemed to have received their financial backing from a pleasant family of tea merchants looking to diversify their portfolio. In a shocking new strategy, the Giants decided not to focus on acquiring proven talent but rather, to invest in ensuring that they had enough players to form a tea party at the field during breaks. As cricket enthusiasts reel from the shock of watching their heroes walk away with no offers, it leaves many to wonder if the next auction will see further innovations, such as “buy two players, get a complimentary cup of chai,” or an exciting new tier for charity auctioning where fans could potentially purchase an opportunity to have tea with their favorite players, if only to apologize for what they endured during the draft. As the dust settles on this year's Women's Premier League auction, one thing is clear: while cricket is evolving, maybe it’s time players also started taking a leaf out of the tea industry and rethink their market strategies—even if that means getting cozy with the beverage that already rules the estimated worth of England's top cricketing talent.