In a groundbreaking move to ensure a fair and peaceful exchange of ideas, former President Trump and Vice President Harris have signed up for an ABC News debate, where the innovative microphone muting system promises to level the playing field. Analysts are already dubbing it the "Silent Showdown." The agreement came after intense negotiations, with Harris reportedly demanding assurances that she would not be interrupted as she shared her thoughts on the pressing issues of the day — namely, what she plans to do with the avocado toast leftovers from her morning brunch. Sources close to the Vice President confirm that she was particularly adamant about the microphone rule, arguing that "no one can yell over my perfectly constructed arguments when the mics are muted." Trump, known for his flair for theatrics, initially balked at the idea. “How can I make America great again if I can’t make my voice heard?” he reportedly exclaimed during a heated phone call with debate organizers. However, after discovering that this would prevent Harris from responding mid-rant, he quickly jumped on board, shouting, “It’s a win-win! I get to talk, and she gets to… not talk!" Critics are divided on the new rule. Some political observers argue that muting both candidates “might just lead to a revelatory silence” that hovers over the debate stage like an awkward mist. Others wonder whether a debate without verbal sparring could reach new heights of excitement — perhaps, a riveting game of charades instead. As anticipation builds, ABC’s studio crew has reportedly been hard at work developing a sophisticated muting system that features a dual relay: the “Harris Hush” and the “Trump Tamer.” Breaking from tradition, the network plans to employ visual aids or colored cards to convey when the candidates may speak, reminiscent of traffic signals in Times Square. Red for stop, green for go, and yellow for—well, it’s yellow; let’s just hope someone between them takes the initiative to ask who’s still responsible for changing the light. The debate promises not just a battle of policies and personalities, but also an exploration of a format that renders the wild, unfiltered exchange of ideas utterly obsolete. “I think it’s revolutionary,” remarked one enthusiastic debate coach, “just imagine a world where we can all just… listen.” In the meantime, ABC News is preparing for vibrant post-debate analysis, where pundits can finally hear themselves speak uninterrupted as they evaluate the candidates’ ability to mime their points effectively. As the debate draws nearer, Twitter has already buzzed with speculation about potential wardrobe choices. Harris, known for her eye-catching suits, might go minimalist to match the microphone rules: "How do you dress for a debate that may as well be a mute film festival?" Meanwhile, Trump is rumored to be contemplating a signature red tuxedo that will really pop against that backdrop of quietude. No matter the outcome, pundits agree on one thing: the inaugural “Mute-a-thon 2023” is already being touted as the most anticipated political event since the last reality show, promising riveting moments of complete and total silence.