Survival of the Fittest: When 17 Belgians Discover That Cooking with Sand Doesn’t Count as Fine Dining In a land known for its chocolates, waffles, and a proclivity for existential angst, 17 intrepid Belgians set forth on an adventure designed to test the limits of human endurance, culinary creativity, and the philosophical merits of cooking with sand. The first season of Expeditie Robinson 2018 not only marked a return to the screens for the Belgian version of the long-running Swedish series, but it also demonstrated, in thrilling fashion, that survival is less about foraging and more about figuring out that sand doesn’t quite give your salad the texture it needs. As the sun rose over the tropical horizon, and the contestants clawed their way out of their luxury shanties, it became abundantly clear that this was not your average camping trip in the Ardennes. No one packed the essentials: a comfy sleeping bag, a deck of cards, or, heaven forbid, a cookbook. Instead, they arrived with an arsenal of grit, determination, and a dubious understanding of what constitutes “food.” Here the sands of the desert mingled with the stars of Michelin—and somehow both left with a bitter aftertaste. The tribes, divided into the aptly named “Choco” and “Waffle” (because why not remind the viewers of their national pride in the midst of potential starvation), began their first challenge: constructing a fire. As the impenetrable jungle echoed with the sounds of frustration and failed attempts to produce anything resembling a spark, one contestant philosophized, “What if this is just a metaphor for our lives? We’re all just trying to ignite passion but end up with nothing but smoke and tears.” While they grappled with nature, the survival skills began to emerge—or, rather, the lack thereof. They quickly learned that scavenging for food was less about survival and more about strategies worthy of a high-stakes board game. One contestant suggested they catch fish in the nearby river. After three hours of diligently kneeling at the water’s edge with nothing but their hands, they solemnly decided that they were not “fishers,” but mere “fish watchers.” When someone suggested they try cooking with sand, they did so while screaming, “But we’re Belgian! We deserve fries, not this gritty amalgam!” Night fell, and hunger gnawed at them like a hungry raccoon at the trash can of life. The lingering smell of sand and faint hopes filled the air as the contestants gathered under the stars, clutching their carefully curated meal of... nothing. Ingenious recipes began circulating, each one a testament to desperation. “Sand Soup,” “Beachside Bouillabaisse,” and the ever-ambitious “Sandy Delight Surprise,” became the norm as they prepared to present their greasy masterpieces to an unsuspecting jury of their peers. As they plated their creations with an optimistic flourish, one could only imagine the judges’ silent horror. Survive they must, but at what cost? Surely, deep down, the contestants realized they were on a quest to not just outlast each other but to redefine the very concept of cuisine. Gastronome philosophers from every corner of Belgium must have cringed in unison as they witnessed contestants discuss the delicate layering of textured sand upon washed-up crustaceans, all the while missing the actual ingredients of a balanced meal. Weeks progressed, tribes swapped, alliances formed and fractured like a poorly baked soufflé, but one thing remained constant: sand remained the reigning ingredient of the displeased. Survivor philosophy took a turn towards the absurd when one clever contestant posited, “Perhaps this is all a grand social experiment! The ultimate test of human spirit—or perhaps a practical joke played by the producers!” The camera zoomed in on their stunned expression while a voiceover chimed in, “Survivors, remember: it’s all about your creativity and resilience. That, and your ability to leave the sand for the beach.” In the end, after 33 days of grappling with the unforgiving elements, questionable cooking techniques, and a startling realization that sand actually doesn’t taste like fries, Robbe De Backer emerged victorious. The jury, banded together in solidarity against their sandy dishes, voted overwhelmingly in his favor. A hero arose from the ashes—or should we say, the grains? So, to all aspiring reality stars stuck in a sandy predicament, one lesson shines bright: while the survival of the fittest may rule the wild, the survival of the tastiest will conquer the world of fine dining. And remember, next time you’re at the beach, keep the sand in the bucket and the fries in your hand. In the realm of culinary ambition, sand never quite garners a Michelin star.