In a stunning 9-0 decision that some might interpret as a complete disregard for the future of the planet, the Supreme Court of the United States firmly slammed the door on youth climate justice, declaring that the concerns of a generation facing climate catastrophe are, well, just a bunch of kids “playing” at being serious. The case at hand involved a group of enthusiastic young activists who, armed with nothing more than passion and a platform, sought to compel the government to take action against climate change. The plaintiffs—a diverse mix of teens and tweens with names like Sky, River, and Moonbeam—argued that their constitutional right to a livable planet was being infringed upon by ongoing fossil fuel subsidies and environmental neglect. It was all very heartwarming, and in a slightly cringeworthy way, a poster child for the innocence of youth. Justice Alito, speaking for the Court, dismissed the claims with a flick of his wrist, stating, "While we commend the youths for their spirited enthusiasm, we must stress that this is not a 'let's save the world' game of tag. We have laws to uphold, not kindergarten rules to play by." The justices then reportedly shared a hearty chuckle, reflecting on their own childhood days spent playing in the safety of a pollution-free playground. The Court's ruling effectively underscored a long-standing legal precedent: the only entities with rights are those who can afford lobbyists and high-priced lawyers—preferably with a side of conservative branding. Environmentalists noted the decision with a sigh, remarking that it might as well be titled, "Kids Just Don’t Understand Politics." In what critics have dubbed a “masterclass in apathy,” the justices concluded that concerns about rising sea levels, future droughts, and increasing natural disasters more suited for a horror movie than a future were merely “kids being kids.” They further reinforced their stance by suggesting children should focus more on algebra than advocacy, because, frankly, those pesky math equations are far more relevant than “the fate of the Earth.” The Court’s decision prompted a wave of reactions, ranging from bemused indifference to outright ridicule. Social media exploded with #ThanksForPlayingKids, as memes of the justices appearing on a playground swing set circulated, branding them as “Supreme Sandbox Justices.” Despite the disappointing turn of events, the youth activists plan to regroup and rally again, because when the future feels like it’s sliding off a cliff, there’s always room for a bounce back—if only metaphorically. “We’re not done, not by a long shot. The adults may have closed the door on us today, but we’ll just climb in the window,” one young activist declared. The group is currently brainstorming their next steps, considering a climate protest featuring interpretive dance. And so it goes. The Supreme Court, in its infinite wisdom, has upheld the sanity of the status quo while assuring a generation that worrying about the environment is best left to those who have already inherited the planet—specifically, to those who don’t mind admitting, “Thanks for playing, kids; now run along and go study for your SATs.”