Soccer Gods Smile Upon Luton: Premier League Promotion Granted After Intense Match of Russian Penalty Roulette LONDON, England - After a heart-stopping game of Russian penalty roulette, the Soccer Gods have deemed Luton Town worthy of ascending to the celestial realm of the Premier League. The club triumphed over Coventry City 6-5 in Saturday's Championship playoff final at Wembley Stadium, ending a 31-year purgatorial wait. The grueling contest was neck and neck, with both teams apparently fueled by divine intervention. Rumors of miraculous apparitions in the locker rooms were neither confirmed nor denied by either side. It seemed as if the clash would continue indefinitely until an extraordinary twist deemed Luton Town the chosen ones: Coventry's Fankaty Dabo send his penalty kick soaring high above the crossbar, thereby sealing Luton's fate. After this sign from the soccer deities, Luton Town supporters erupted in cheers, thanking the omnipotent Soccer Gods for their favor. Unconfirmed reports suggest that there were floods of tears, grown men kneeling in prayer, and spontaneous baptisms in the post-match celebrations. "I have seen the light," said one overwhelmed fan. "The Soccer Gods have truly touched our team. I can't wait to see them face off against the other blessed teams of the Premier League." In response to Luton's blessed victory, devoted fans were planning pilgrimages to the club's stadium in the coming weeks, their newfound faith in football miracles restored. Meanwhile, Coventry City fans were left questioning and reevaluating their relationship with the Soccer Gods. Some wondering if they had displeased them in some way, and searching for ways to rectify their apparent fall from favor. Nonetheless, as the Soccer Gods work in mysterious ways, perhaps next year's game of Russian penalty roulette will smile upon Coventry, just as it has granted the holy honor of Premier League status upon Luton Town.