In what can only be described as a horrendous, catastrophic winter wonderland, residents of Placer County, California, have been forced to break out their winter coats, gloves, and boots to face a ghastly 700 inches of snow. It's a nightmare scenario that has children gleefully frolicking in mountains of fluffy snow, while adults ski to work or simply take advantage of the hazardous winter conditions by cozying up with a mug of hot cocoa. Local resident Ima Frostbite described her daily ordeal: "Every day, when I look out my window, it just gets harder and harder to see my beautiful yard beneath the monstrous 58-foot snowdrifts. To make matters worse, some of our neighbors have been spotted making snow angels and engaging in childish snowball fights." Frostbite also mentioned that some local businesses have seen an increase in customers and profits, thanks to the rise in winter sports activities. But she dismisses it as "just not worth it!" Indeed, the cruel hand of Mother Nature has dealt a particularly chilling blow this winter. At the heart of the frozen apocalypse, residents in the Sierra Nevada region have faced the terrible burden of constructing elaborate snow forts, igloos, and snowmen. Smiles and laughter echo in the icy wasteland as children carelessly zoom around on sleds, their parents helplessly watching from the safety of their homes, clutching their warm beverages and snuggling under blankets. Local authorities, in a futile attempt to make a dent in this frozen Armageddon, have dispatched all available resources including snow plows and blowers on a regular basis. Yet even these mighty machines are no match for the relentless dumping of fresh powder from the heavens above. The situation has become so dire that rumors of a support group for sufferers of the severe case of snow anxiety have begun to circulate. One such rumored member of this support group, Noah Medik, reported an outbreak of frostbite on his finger after a particularly brutal snowball fight. "It's just not right," he lamented. "Anyone who thinks that snow is a gift and should be celebrated is clearly suffering from a serious case of snowblindness!" As Placer County digs deep to weather this chilling blizzard, residents are left with no choice but to hunker down for the long, snowy ride. It's a cruel, icy world out there, and our warmest wishes go out to the brave souls trying to survive this wintry madness.