Following the devastating revelation that the Bahamas are projected to resemble a Salvador Dali painting by 2050, nations around the world have come together to issue thoughts and prayers to the sinking paradise. Scientists predict that rising sea levels will completely swallow the low-lying islands, transforming them from a luxury vacation spot into the set of Waterworld 2. According to the resident existentialist Dr. Nihilitus, the islands have been living on borrowed time, and the impending obliteration is a somber reminder of the futility of human endeavors. Dr. Nihilitus adds, "Before long, children will think of the Bahamas as a bedtime story – a mythical land surrounded by an aquatic moat of misery." While the Paris Agreement aimed to unite the world in the battle against climate change, it continues to be a half-baked attempt at saving Mother Earth. One delegate at the annual United Nations assembly referred to the sinking fate of the Bahamas as "a beautiful work of art in progress." They later added, "It's like an existential performance piece, sponsored by the relentless consumerism of mankind." As the world marvels at the tragic impending sinking of the Bahamas, fledgling travel startups are seizing the opportunity. Entrepreneurial minds worldwide are already planning exclusive 'Drown with Atlantis' VIP tour packages and customizable underwater snorkel excursions, where guests can visit their favorite submerged islands for the same price as a mid-sized yacht. In anticipation of the impending doom, citizens of other low-lying nations such as the Maldives have begun investing in real estate on higher ground. Some have even proposed a Thunderdome-style fight to the death amongst nations to decide who receives top-of-the-line inherited beach condos. Joseph Fritzel, a Bahamian real estate agent, says life has become very straightforward and infinitely more profitable. "We now only have one piece of advice for potential buyers: build up, not out." Local business owners have taken to the streets to protest, demanding an immediate focus on aquatic adaptation for their stores and services. "Instead of sinking into despair, let's embrace the whole 'sinking' concept and make everything float," says local vendor Reginald Winslow. "It's what the mermaid gods would have wanted." The Bahamas Ministry of Tourism has unveiled plans to transform the islands by 2050, focusing on coral reefs, sunken ships, and the world's first underwater casino. Environmentalist Jane Haddock released a statement on the sinking debacle, stating, "Well, hindsight is 2020, but it would be nice if the world woke up and decided to be more environmentally conscious. Oh, and to love one another more, but that's asking too much." As the Bahamas face the prospect of sinking into the depths of the ocean, our thoughts and prayers keep them afloat for just a little longer. We can now look forward to the newest blockbuster: Pirates of the Caribbean: Atlantis Abides, directed by the ghost of Michael Bay (he's not dead yet, but we can be optimistic).