In a move that has sushi aficionados and craft beer enthusiasts reeling, the city of Seattle has taken a surprising stance. According to a faux municipal decree issued last Friday, Seattle has officially declared sushi as “just expensive bait” and craft beer as "overrated," adding a sensational twist to public discourse. The mock decree, signed by self-styled Seattle "High Mayor" Bob Funkybrewski, reportedly seeks to tenderize society's penchant for making pretentious things popular. "Sushi is clearly nothing more than opulently overpriced angler’s bait, and craft beer is basically glorified barley soup. People, wake up!" said Funkybrewski, addressing a crowd of satirical stand-ins for actual Seattle residents. "Locals should consider going back to doughnuts and drip coffee. I hear those are still hip." Funkybrewski's overwhelmingly faux mandate has sent shockwaves through Seattle's thriving culinary and beverage communities. Sushi chefs throughout the city, already dealing with the delicate art of crafting visually stunning, taste-bud-popping raw fish delicacies, now face the absurd challenge of convincing their clientele that their offerings are more than just 'fancy bait'. Meanwhile, brewers are downplaying Seattle's newfound disdain for craft beer, calling it “an obvious tease,” much like the city’s commitment to having a sunny summer. “Overrated?" scoffed fictitious microbrewery owner Hoppy McBeerstein. "I dare them to go back to drinking over-commercialized, watered-down swill and call that beer. Besides, our beer comes with pretzels and smart, unintelligible conversations about hops and barley. Who wouldn’t want that?” The seafood community, taking a page from Pixar's 'Finding Nemo', retaliated with a comic campaign called “Fish are friends, not food or bait.” Meanwhile, the Craft Beer Braggarts Union launched their own counter, the cheeky "Lagers for Literacy” program, promising to teach anyone to "read" craft beer labels. As the city's infamously indecisive weather, Seattleites are expected to chalk this up as another whimsical phase. Local satirist, Sunny Graycloud predicted the city would soon move on to disparaging kombucha or artisanal gelato. "We take our comedy very seriously here," she deadpanned. "It's the only way we get through nine months of rain." Despite the humorous uproar, several locals were spotted enjoying sushi rolls with craft beer even as the decree was being read, underscoring Seattle’s enduring love for both. The city's real Mayor could not be reached for comment, but is rumoured to be holed up in her office, shaking with suppressed laughter.