Business / a month ago
Saudi Arabia's 2034 World Cup Bid Scores Higher Than North America's Even Without a Single Goalpost!
In a surprising twist, FIFA's evaluation reveals Saudi Arabia's ambitious 2034 World Cup bid soars above North America's 2026 plan despite a total lack of physical stadiums. With dreams taking center stage, the bid highlights innovation in logistics — because who needs actual infrastructure when imagination reigns supreme?
In a stunning turn of events, FIFA has confirmed that Saudi Arabia's 2034 World Cup bid has achieved a staggering technical evaluation score of 4.2 out of 5, surpassing the combined efforts of the United States, Canada, and Mexico for the 2026 World Cup despite the minor detail of not having built a single stadium yet.
"This groundbreaking score clearly illustrates that dreaming big counts for more than foundations," said a FIFA spokesperson, who asked to remain anonymous to avoid being bombarded with awkward questions about construction timelines. The evaluation report noted that while Saudi Arabia currently boasts an architectural wonder that consists mainly of sand dunes and a few camels, the potential is limitless—if one squints really hard and hopes for the best.
Prospective venues for the tournament include the grandiose King Salman International Stadium, planned to hold an impressive 92,760 fans. In a bold move, the organizers have assured fans that they will be "really cozy" while sitting in the sand when the stadium is finally erected—construction is currently expected to begin shortly after a few magic carpets are located.
FIFA's report also praised Saudi Arabia’s “innovative approach” in logistics, suggesting that the lack of physical infrastructure should be seen as an avant-garde commentary on the meaning of modern sports. "We believe this is an opportunity for football fans to connect in new ways, possibly through a virtual reality experience or with extreme tailgating outside nonexistent facilities," the report elaborated.
In comparison, the North American 2026 bid, which actually features real stadiums with grass and seats, received a measly benchmark of 3.9 out of 5. Critics of the evaluation pointed out that having completed venues and a robust transportation plan might not align with FIFA's vision of an exciting surprise adventure where "anything could happen."
As part of their plan, Saudi Arabia has promised an extravagant showcase of the best football traditions, such as playing under the stunning desert sun and providing complimentary bottles of water to avoid dehydration. As the bid progresses, fans are encouraged to pack their sunscreen, imaginative spirit, and perhaps a shovel—just in case they need to help dig out a stadium in time for kickoff.
Meanwhile, North American bid officials could only sigh in disbelief. "Maybe we overinvested in actual facilities," a bewildered source commented, adjusting their cap emblazoned with "We Love Grass." Speculation is already brewing that the future of sports bidding may lean toward the abstract—perhaps a bid for a World Cup in a completely virtual world could one day yield a perfect 5.0 score.
In the end, it seems the 2034 World Cup could be anything but ordinary—provided the organizers can conjure up a little architectural magic within the next decade. After all, who needs stadiums when you can have dreams?
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Original title: Saudi Arabia's 2034 World Cup bid gets higher score than U.S., Canada and Mexico
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