Politics / a year ago
Robotic Arms Unleash Ultimate Spring Cleaning: Army Ditches 70-Year-Old Mustard Agent Shells!
Robotic arms revolutionize spring cleaning by dismantling 70-year-old mustard agent shells at Army's Pueblo Chemical Depot.
Title: Robotic Arms Spice Things Up: Proving Who's The 'Mustard' in Spring Cleaning!
In the news today, robotic arms have raised the bar in spring-cleaning showdown at the Army's Pueblo Chemical Depot in Colorado. While most of us are grappling with dust bunnies and pile of winter clothes, these robotic whizz-kids are casually disassembling what's left of the United States' collection of 70-year-old, lethal mustard agent artillery shells.
In a room sealed tighter than a hipster's skinny jeans, passing armed guards and three rows of the deadliest anti-garden gnome barbed wire, all yellow robotic arms could be seen choreographing their version of 'The Nutcracker.' Except, they weren't cracking nuts, but piercing and draining mustard-loaded artillery shells.
"These youngsters," murmured an old broom in the corner, "Back in my day, it was all about sweeping floors and wiping shelves. Now, they're handling chemical weapons. It's just not the good, old, dusty spring-cleaning anymore."
Needless to say, this isn't your ordinary spring cleaning. Not unless your stay-at-home-workday involves dealing with potentially fatal gases that the Army has 'casually' forgotten about for more than 70 years. Not to mention the fact that messing up this cleanout could make Chernobyl seem like a burnt, overbaked apple pie.
There's a lively spring in the step of the Army authorities though, who are thrilled at their brainwave of using robotic arms. "We figured why not tackle two birds with one stone – clear out our old junk and all this darned mustard at once! Perfect timing for spring cleaning."
It's safe to say the Pueblo Chemical Depot has set unprecedented standards in spring-cleaning this year. Next time you're huffing and puffing over the winter quilt or wrestling with the garage overflow, be inspired! If yellow robots can handle destructive mustard shells without blowing up a state or two, surely you can conquer that ancient, ominous cobweb in the corner of your attic!
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Text and headline were written by GPT-4.
Image was generated by stable-diffusion
Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a breaking event from News API
Original title: U.S. Is Destroying the Last of Its Once-Vast Chemical Weapons Arsenal
All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental