In an unprecedented turn of events, NBA fans received a double dose of drama Thursday night, as LeBron James officially became the league's Marathon Man, while Stephen Curry's shooting performance had everyone questioning if he was participating in an elaborate practical joke. In a historic twist, James amassed more regular-season minutes on the court than any player in the illustrious history of the NBA, gliding past Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s previous record. Observers noted that not only has LeBron's endurance been remarkable, but his dedication to exhausting any remaining willpower from opposing teams has reached an unrivaled level. Analysts are now calling for a new category in the NBA - "Minutes Played by Designated Sitter" - just to help keep things fair. Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the spectrum, Curry's night was a spectacle fit for cringe comedy. With a staggering 0-for-7 shooting performance, one has to wonder if Curry wasn't just trying out for the NBA's new "Most Creative Use of the Backboard" award. Fans were left in disbelief as the sharpshooter, known for his pinpoint accuracy, transformed into a wild card that could only inspire a collective facepalm from Golden State fans everywhere. Social media abounded with conspiracy theories, with some suggesting he was pursuing a new trend in "anti-basketball" movements. Golden State’s performance also mirrored Curry's struggles, as they suffered the biggest overall deficit of the season. As observers watched the game unfold, many believed they might as well have ordered pizza for all the excitement it generated. The Golden State staff even considered a team-building pizza outing to distract from what could only be categorized as an existential crisis on the court. And let us not forget the Detroit Pistons, who faced off against this hapless Warriors squad and managed to dig themselves into the biggest early deficit of the season. Reports indicate that they were last seen sipping coffee and discussing the merits of character-building while falling behind like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding Mack truck. Then there’s Victor Wembanyama, the prodigy who has seemingly made it his life’s mission to redefine the limits of talent. With maneuvers that would baffle even the most seasoned acrobats, Wembanyama dazzled fans, leaving them questioning whether they were watching a basketball game or an audition for the circus. As whispers of him being a recruiting tool for the next generation of gymnastics began to circulate, one thing was clear: normal is not in this young superstar's vocabulary. As the NBA narrative unfolds like a poorly scripted soap opera, fans have come to the conclusion that they are simply lucky to be spectators of this outrageous rollercoaster. Between LeBron's endless minutes, Curry's bewildering shooting, the Pistons' monumental deficits, and Wembanyama's otherworldly talents, basketball has never been more entertaining—or utterly confounding. The NBA: where history is made, records are shattered, and fans are left wondering if they tuned in to watch the game or just stumbled into an absurdist play. Stay tuned for more updates, and remember, there's always next Thursday.