From Middle Earth to the Big Apple, New Zealand - fondly known as the secret dwelling place of hobbits, rugby, and a serious flock of sheep – is reaching out with its tiny, hobbit-sized hands in a plea to its bustling, cosmopolitan cousin half a world away - New York City. “New York, we love you, but you've got it all wrong," said New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern from her rustic hobbit hole. "Pizza isn't meant to be folded. It’s meant to be eaten like a normal bloody pie. And hot dogs? They are called sausages, mate. Seriously, get it right. Also, our birds can out-sing your subway buskers any day. Moreover, our immigrants? They're enchanted elves and currently, the population of mythical creatures is literally about to damp out. Ya hear me, Yankees?” At first glance, this may seem like the traditional New Zealand sass, smoother than their velvety Pinot Noir, biting like a well-aged cheddar from the plains of the Flat White Land. But some Kiwi patriots believe it's a cunning diplomatic move to trigger cultural paradigm shifts and NZ dominates NYC. It is reported that Ardern sent an official documentation, earnestly pleading with New York's Mayor Bill de Blasio, for an exchange program between Kiwi magical creatures to the New Yorkers. Apparently, two New Yorkers for every one Kiwi elf, hobbit, and ent. Talks of throwing in a few dwarves for the Wall Street bankers are also on the table. In a gesture that has warmed the cockles of New Zealand's hearty, Kiwi-filled soul, the Mayor's office responded positively. "Who wouldn't want to add a fiery dragon to our traffic department? And we've always fancied a wizard to sort out our city's sewage system.” However, New York City appears to have taken the plea to heart and is now in confusion, debating whether hot dogs should indeed be referred to as sausages and if pizza, the city's staple meal, should be rolled flat or folded. "It's mayhem out here," said NYPD Officer Eugene James. "Can you imagine New York City streets without the smell of hot dogs? The thought itself will cause riots!" On the other end of the world, New Zealanders are already preparing to welcome their Yankee counterparts, offering courses in sheep herding, rugby, and of course, hobbit etiquette lessons. Whether or not this plea reaches fruition remains to be seen. One thing is for sure, Middle Earth and The Big Apple are certainly in the midst of an intercontinental culture swap, the likes of which we've never seen before. In the meantime, as the Kiwis would say, let’s just crack open a cold one and watch the drama unfold.