In a groundbreaking announcement today, the United Church of Electromotive Blessings (UCEMB) unveiled its latest initiative: an electric vehicle (EV) charging station that doubles as a tithing booth. This brave intersection of spirituality and sustainability promises a celestial experience for all those seeking salvation and subsidies. “We realized that congregation members were increasingly conflicted about donating to the church while also trying to save the planet,” said Pastor Volt, the church's head minister and part-time energy trader. “By combining two essential needs—charging your car and blessing your soul—we’re not just saving the earth, we’re also ensuring the offerings keep rolling in.” The new initiative came as a response to the shrinking tithes amidst rising gas prices and an alarming spike in electric car sales. Believers can now pull up to the charging station, plug in their Teslas, and swipe their church debit cards for immediate divine credits. The more you charge, the more your soul is deemed “electrifying,” a clever pun that proves Pastor Volt truly lives up to his name. As electric vehicles whir into the church lot, attendees are greeted by a multi-denominational choir of angels—in the form of strategically placed speakers—singing upbeat gospel covers of popular songs, including “Highway to Hell” and “Electric Avenue.” The atmosphere is further enhanced by flashing neon lights that read “Charge to Heaven," inviting all who pass by to take part in this holy auto-revolution. To sweeten the deal, the UCEMB’s blessings come with a fast-track option. For an additional fee, parishioners can receive an instant “Holy Charge” that boasts improved mileage for their EVs, or as the church publicly advertises, “Sin less and drive more!” Those who opt for this expedited service will also receive a complimentary “Damnation Discount” on their next service project. Critics of the program argue that merging faith and commerce undermines the spiritual experience. “It’s frankly blasphemous,” proclaimed local skeptic Eleanor Atheist. “God doesn’t need a credit card machine, and I highly doubt anyone will be praying while they’re waiting for a fill-up. It cheapens the whole experience!” In response, Pastor Volt insists that this initiative is merely a modern adaptation of age-old practices. “Back in the day, you had to give a lamb or two to earn God’s favor,” he said. “Now, we’re simply making it more convenient. Plus, do you really want to lug all that sheep around, or would you rather plug in and scroll Instagram while your car charges?” Meanwhile, the church also rolled out a partnership with a popular grocery chain, offering “salvation points” for every purchase made at the store. These points can be redeemed for discounts on electric car repairs or even an extravagant ‘cable communion’ event, where congregants can mingle and worship together—while also learning how to hook up their vehicles to the latest charging tech. As electric cars continue to replace gas guzzlers and spiritual awakenings become more commonly tested with the savvy use of smartphone apps, one thing is certain: the road to redemption may now come with a GPS, a fully charged battery, and a well-planned route through heaven’s drive-thru. In the driving seat of this revolution is the news that green is no longer just the color of nature—it's now the hue of the holy, as blessings and bills go electric. All hail the current!