In a stunning turn of events that's sent shockwaves through the tech world, the Canadian Competition Bureau has officially issued a red card to Google, accusing the online advertising titan of playing an unfair game on the digital pitch. In an elaborate press conference held in what appeared to be a converted break room filled with empty coffee cups and old tech magazines, officials unveiled their game plan: they're demanding that Google trade in two of its critical ad services, much like a player reflects on their past mistakes during half-time. "Look, we've all seen Google dominate the field like a toddler with a soccer ball, and it’s no surprise that they’ve been dinging the competition like some sort of overzealous referee," said a Bureau spokesperson who wished only to be identified as ‘Offside.’ “In our investigation, we found that Google was playing with their own playbook, tying all their ad tech tools together in a way no team should be allowed to. That’s not teamwork – that’s plain old foul play!” The Competition Bureau's findings reveal that Google has been engaging in what some are calling a “dirty play” in the online advertising game. Reports suggest that their tactics include smothering rivals with an avalanche of ads while simultaneously inflating prices and concocting a confusing play structure that left smaller companies scrambling to keep up. “It’s like trying to win a game where the goalposts are always moving, and by the way, there’s a moat filled with crocodiles around the field,” said one industry expert who wished to remain anonymous, likely out of fear of Google’s ad algorithms. As the Bureau calls for penalties that include the potential divestiture of two of Google’s ad services, critics are cautiously optimistic. Local startups have begun dreaming of a world where they’re no longer constrained by Google’s ad monopoly, even suggesting a community center for emerging businesses where competitors can come together to share tips on how to get featured in Google’s search results without having to auction off their firstborn child. Despite these claims, Google responded with its best ‘who, us?’ face. In a statement, the company claimed that all their practices are as fair and square as a game of Monopoly played between friends, where one player ends up owning all the properties, and the rest are trying to figure out how to make a loan. “We’re just offering the best tools to advertisers, and if that happens to mean that everyone else needs to level up, then, well, that’s just the nature of the game.” Meanwhile, as penalties loom, tech enthusiasts are excitedly predicting that if Google does have to sell off its ad services, it might open up the field for new players. “Imagine a world where smaller companies could finally get a kick at the cat,” said one hopeful techie. “I mean, the cat isn’t literal, of course. But wouldn’t it be great to have a competitive marketplace? We might even get a new ad service named something like ‘AdRevolution,’ dedicated to fairness and transparency. And they might even care about their customers!” For now, it seems the competition isn’t just heating up; it’s approaching a boiling point, and Google’s cozy seat in the warm glow of ad revenue could be shifting to the penalty box for a timeout. Stay tuned, because when it comes to hallowed online ad spaces, the game is just getting started, and the Competition Bureau has found its whistle.