In a move that’s sent shock waves rippling from Ithaca to Albany, locals from the Fingerlakes region have declared their lake to be the "Pinky" of all lakes, leaving New Yorkers scratching their heads from Buffalo to Montauk. You’ve heard of the Thumb, known for its thick-and-hardy Michigan inhabitants. Lakes Superior, Michigan, Huron, Erie—they all lay claim to one of the five digits. But the Fingerlakes? Who’d ever make such an audacious claim? Residents of the Fingerlakes region—that’s who. In a press conference held at Cayuga Lake earlier this week, spokesperson Billy "Three Toes" Thompson announced this daring claim. The locals expect to redraw the cartographic hierarchy of the American lakes, a process previously thought to be totally unchangeable much like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. "Listen here, we've been the pinky toe of New York for far too long," bellowed the surprisingly ferocious Thompson, shaking his fist at a kayak. "But the thing about pinky toes is, you don't realize how crucial they are until you stub one on a coffee table at 2 a.m." As Thompson continued to outline the justifications for this outrageous decree, confusion swept across the state. Reports suggest confused New Yorkers have been found wandering about, visibly perplexed, scratching their heads and mumbling, "Fingerlakes... pinky? Is that even a real finger?" "It's just not right, you know?" stated an indignant Phyllis Kaboodle, a resident of Manhattan. "Everyone knows the Fingerlakes are the knuckles at best. I mean, do they even have a Statue of Liberty or a Times Square?" Adding fuel to the proverbial fire, Thompson later declared, "By the power vested in me by the Geneva Town Council and my second cousin Terry, we, the proud citizens of the Fingerlakes region, now declare our lake to be the Pinky of all lakes! Henceforth, all maps must reflect this." Sadly for the Fingerlakes folk, there are no known cartographers willing to carry out the required changes. Winston Scribbler, a map illustrator from Albany, retorted, "Please. If we're mapping fingers, then Long Island is clearly the middle finger of New York." While it remains unclear how this turf war of the fingers will resolve, one thing is certain: the hamlets and villages of Fingerlakes have truly let their metaphorical hand be seen, and in a very pinky-up sort of way - throwing one heck of a curveball into this country's future geography lessons. However, what's most striking in this lake-finger war is that in focusing on who gets to be the pinky, they've completely forgotten about the thumb, which at least according to childhood Pictionary rules, isn't a finger. But perhaps, that's a debate for another day in the weird and wavy world of New York lakes.