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Climate / 10 months ago
Dystopian Dread: Paralyzed by Panic, Baby-making Takes a Backseat
image by stable-diffusion
As global panic sets in, the desire for procreation plummets - will humanity overcome its dystopian dread, or succumb to a dark future?
**BREAKING NEWS** - Global panic is growing at an astonishing rate, causing paralysis in the most essential of life functions: procreating. From the creeping horror of the latest climate change reports, government surveillance systems, and now the introduction of mandatory hopscotch initiatives, it seems that contemporary life is brimming with fear. Thus, it's no surprise that global baby-making efforts have plummeted, as young people simply cannot cope with the pressures of, well, everything. One couple, who wished to remain anonymous, had this to say; "We were all ready to do our part and create another little human that would hopefully grow up to pay taxes. But just as I was about to climax, I remembered new legislation requires us to register our offspring with the government before conception. I was completely paralyzed by the dread of having to decide between a serial number or a QR code for our baby. We haven't had sex since then." Even Tinder, the infamous online dating app, has experienced a significant drop in users. A company spokesperson commented, "What's the point of swiping right when every conversation is punctuated with fears about dystopian dread, and debating the ethics of bringing a child into our future hellscape?" Governments around the world have taken note of the declining birth rate and proposed solutions such as: government-sanctioned cuddle squads, mass hypnosis sessions, and suspension pods that induce a serene sense of well-being, only to be interrupted by a compulsory procreation alarm - because nothing says "it's time to have sex" quite like the wailing siren of a government-mandated procreation alarm. Despite these drastic measures, it appears that public anxiety is still eating away at the desire to have children. Dr. Jeanette Rosenberg, an expert in dystopian dread, explains, "When faced with the rising seas, artificial intelligence robots threatening to take over, and the ever-present fear of accidentally stepping on an endangered snail, people find it increasingly difficult to focus on creating offspring." Psychologists and futurologists suggest that the paralysis in baby-making may lead to an even darker future, where the government mandates procreation through artificial means and assigns children to families, or worse—everyone is forced to wear jumpsuits and matching socks. So, in the midst of end-times anxiety, the question looms: will humanity overcome its dread, or will we descend into a vision of dystopia where babies are procreated by artificial means and have mandatory QR code tattoos? Only time will tell. Until then, bundle up your fears, turn off the news, and make love like it's the apocalypse you're trying to prevent.
posted 10 months ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a climate news feed

Original title: Low birth rate linked to fear about the future
exmplary article: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/23/low-birth-rate-linked-to-fear-about-the-future

All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental