In a shocking twist that has left tech enthusiasts and conspiracy theorists alike buzzing with excitement, the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) has hinted at a potential breakup with Google, following a series of awkward dinner parties and missed text messages. The DOJ, while publicly discussing their antitrust concerns regarding other industries like Live Nation, hinted that their relationship with Google may be strained, allegedly over Google's "excessive clout" in the search engine space. Sources close to the DOJ report that Assistant Attorney General Jonathan Kanter, known for his passion for fair competition and scathing memes, has been quietly sliding into Google's DMs for months. However, with rumors swirling about a possible breakup, insiders speculate Kanter may soon have a "It's not you, it's me" conversation—with Google, not their antitrust lawyer. Google, for its part, has been desperately trying to curry favor, sending bouquets of data and promises of algorithmic transparency. However, Kanter appears unfazed, reportedly saying, "I just feel like you're not the same Google I fell in love with back in 1998. Where’s the spontaneity? The diversity of web pages? Now it’s just a lot of ads and cat videos." Critics of Google’s practices have taken to social media, launching campaigns with hashtags like #BreakUpWithGoogle and #GoogleNeedsSpace. One influencer even went so far as to create a TikTok challenge to celebrate the end of monopolistic relationships, encouraging users to share their own "toxic tech" stories. Meanwhile, Google’s legal team has reportedly been drafting a heartfelt apology letter, complete with emojis, to win back the DOJ’s affection. But the DOJ's consideration of breaking up with Google has not come without its own drama. The agency is now faced with choosing between seeking a more independent search engine partner or exploring the exciting world of alternative browsers, perhaps even swiping right on DuckDuckGo. As the world watches this precarious courtship unfold, the question remains: Will the DOJ go through with breaking up with Google, or will they veer back towards a more amicable relationship filled with promises of better practices? One thing is for sure: in the world of antitrust law, love is rarely straightforward, and sometimes, it just takes a good ol' public press conference to make things official.