President Recep Tayyip Erdogan's re-election has created a conundrum for NATO allies: how to maintain a poker face while privately cursing a leader who has embraced Vladimir Putin, eliciting pangs of jealousy from NATO's members. This past Sunday, NATO members gathered in their secret underground lair to drown their sorrows in cheap vodka and plot a course of action to woo Erdogan back into their arms. "We really thought we had him hooked this time!" An unnamed source sobbed into his vodka. "That spark with Putin was just...just too strong for us." Erdogan's landslide re-election disappointed everyone, especially NATO members, who secretly harbored dreams of a new Turkish leader with a poster of NATO on their bedroom wall, instead of one adorned with the piercing blue gaze of Putin. It's hard to compete with a former KGB spy who occasionally rides shirtless through the Russian wilderness, but NATO is determined to capture Erdogan's heart by throwing extravagant parties in his honor, offering more advanced military technology, and calling him up for late-night chats. The alliance is also channeling their inner gossip as they whip up rumors to break up this bromance. "Hey, have you heard Putin likes to share his judo moves with other world leaders too?" said another NATO official, attempting to spark insecurity. "Erdogan should know he's not that special, and we're always here to support him." Despite their disappointment, NATO is hoping that the lure of strong military support, stimulating conferences, and patriotic photo opportunities will heal the rift between them and Erdogan. For now, it's a battle between the bear hug of Putin and the cold, collective embrace of NATO.