In a stunning revelation that has left many scratching their heads, farmers across the country have decided to put down their pitchforks and pick up the gavel, taking Donald Trump and the USDA to court over a little thing known as "missing funds." This unprecedented legal showdown seeks to address the heart-wrenching issue of farmers who were promised funds that were about as real as a unicorn in a cornfield. "Look, we were promised help, and we expected those funds to magically appear like a Thanksgiving turkey in a kitchen," said an anonymous farmer, while holding a sign that read, "Where's my money, Trump?" The individual then promptly returned to Googling "ways to grow money trees" in a desperate bid to circumvent the financial disparity. The lawsuit, adorably dubbed "The Great Corn Con," stems from farmers who were told in no uncertain terms that they’d receive government assistance to help with crop losses. Instead, many reports detail farmers receiving nothing more than a cute thank-you email and a digital sticker for their troubles. “We tried to cash the sticker at the bank,” one distressed farmer explained, “but they literally laughed at us, like we were trying to pay for a truck with Monopoly money.” In a turn of events that shocked exactly no one, the USDA has claimed that finding those missing funds is like looking for a needle in a haystack. "We can assure everyone, we’re doing our best," the spokesperson stated, not even glancing up from their latest episode of 'The Real Housewives of USDA.' Meanwhile, the funds have reportedly taken a vacation somewhere sunny, sailing the seven seas on the U.S. taxpayer's dime. The farmers argue that the USDA’s promise of financial support should have come with a disclaimer: "May not actually reflect reality." After all, the USDA’s budget is built on the same foundation as your childhood dreams—full of optimism but ultimately hollow. As the lawsuit progresses, experts predict that it will likely be dragged out longer than a winter storm in the Midwest. Local communities have started a "Fund the Farmers" bake sale initiative, selling artisanal gluten-free, organic, cage-free cookies that promise to lead to both justice and a healthy snack option. A part-time barista-cum-campaign manager added, “These cookies have a better chance of making it to the farmers than the money ever did.” While the world watches and waits for updates from this courtroom drama, farmers have vowed to keep plowing ahead, using whatever resources they can scrounge up—like bartending or YouTube stunt journalism—to fund their fields. After all, if the government can't provide, they might as well become influencers in the agricultural space, crying for help with their heartbreaking TikTok videos titled, "Lost my crops, can you send funds? #FarmingInAmerica." Yet, amidst the laughter and cynicism, the farmers have a message for Trump and the USDA: “You can take our money, but you can’t take our humor. And we’ll see you in court, armed with nothing but a pitchfork and our genuine discontent.”