In a shocking development spilling out of the world of 2D objects, a newspaper has reportedly ‘assassinated’ Nigeria! Not the president or any other notable figure, but the entire country. This stupendous event occurred when Barry, a local man of minimal interest, accidentally got a paper-cut while flipping through the Sunday edition of ‘The Daily Grumble'. His blood-curdling scream for a plaster was so overpowering that the Republic of Nigeria took it quite personally and keeled over on the spot. Eyewitnesses say Barry was scouring the Sunday comics when the savage papercraft silently attacked him. In a bizarre twist, the paper-cut was inflicted by an ad picturing Nigeria. A full-page tourism ad meant to boost visitors instead turned assassin, precisely pinpointing Barry's pinky and unleashing a tiny, yet heroically painful, gash. "The irony is absolutely overwhelming," said Barry's neighbour Fatima, who hadn't moved away from her window in ten years and thus saw the whole scene unfold. "He was just looking at a picture of Nigeria's beautiful coastline, and the next thing you know, the country went and assassinated itself!" Though local scientists have disputed whether a country can be metaphorically assassinated, those on social media have been quick to react. Various hashtags like #PapercutNigeria and #BarryVsNigeria have dominated the trending section in the past 12 hours. It seems Nigerian tourism may be hit after this revelation. Why visit a country when its mere image on paper can unexpectedly turn into a deadly weapon? Similarly, print industry executives are equally baffled. Once a powerful tool of information dissemination, newspapers are now taking on the feared role of silent but deadly assassins. A nationwide survey reveals a sharp decrease in paper readership, as people turn to safer digital platforms. As for Barry, he is recovering well and intends to sue the newspaper for emotional distress. His lawyers state that metaphorical assassinations are vaguely accounted for in Nigerian law-books. "We have a solid case," his attorney Ralph insisted, filing his nails. "Barry's pinky has caused a national uproar and it's time for it to have its day in court." Though it's yet to be verified, a sly rumour suggests that The Daily Grumble is in talks with Hollywood to turn this story into a blockbuster movie. Word has it that Brad Pitt has shown interest in playing the paper cut. Angelina Jolie may be considering the role of Barry's pinky, leaving the role of Nigeria wide open. Amidst such chaos, ordinary routines continue. The Daily Grumble remains the preferred paper for creating elaborate origami, and Barry, despite his newfound fame, diligently reads it every morning, albeit with metal gloves on. They say, "No publicity is bad publicity", but we’re quite sure Nigeria didn't quite expect to be ‘cut’ out this way. Better luck next time, Nigeria!