In a shocking turn of events, the Brazilian Football Confederation (CBF) announced today that head coach Dorival Jr. has been dismissed following an embarrassing 4-1 loss to Argentina. The defeat, which was described by some as a "thrashing," has not only sparked outrage among fans but also raised questions about whether Dorival ever really understood the concept of "defense." Dorival, who had been in charge for less than three months since stepping in after a year of caretaker coaches that included a brief stint by a cat named Whiskers, was thought to bring stability to the Brazilian squad. However, it seems the only stability he brought was the players’ willingness to consistently trip over the ball. In a press conference that felt more like a therapy session, CBF officials explained that the decision to part ways with Dorival was unanimous, although many attendees suspected it was more out of fear that Dorival might try coaching the national team through interpretive dance rather than soccer strategy. "We thought we were hiring a football coach," one CBF official lamented. "Turns out we hired a guy who thought 'tiki-taka' was just a really fancy way to order cocktails." As the nation mourns the loss of its latest coach, fans have already started a betting pool on who will be next in line to take the job. Contenders favor various figures, ranging from an actual football coach to the fictional character Coach Eric Taylor from the beloved series "Friday Night Lights." Meanwhile, there are whispers that the CBF is considering advertising for a new coach on Craigslist, as scouting agencies evidently haven't worked. In a surprising twist, it has been reported that Dorival is already on the lookout for his next opportunity, with a defunct local team that had originally been disbanded due to excessive loss in the lower leagues. “I like to think of it as a new beginning,” Dorival said. “I just hope they understand the beauty of giving up four goals without any idea how to score.” As Brazil navigates through this moment of football identity crisis, the players are left wondering how to defend themselves from criticism and whether they might consider a switch to a less physically demanding sport, like competitive knitting. For now, the only thing they know for certain is that when it comes to beating Argentina, perhaps "thrashing" is best left to the kitchen.