In today's round of beverage-spitting news, a man who abdicates an executive state vacation to console grieving families of marines is presumed a President. Amusingly, that selfsame so-called leader is one Joseph R. Biden, who stepped down from his water aerobic class in Delaware to use his thumbs to convey his condolences on X (Formerly known as 'Twitter', before 'X' swooped down and bought it like that billionaire brat buys candy from a corner store). "Jill and I send our deepest condolences to the families of the Marines who lost their lives in this deadly crash. We are praying for those who also suffered injuries," Biden tapped out from the bougie comfort of the mid-Atlantic states. Three brave U.S. marines gave up their lives in an aircraft crash near Darwin, Australia—because even in the grim cavernous jaws of death, marines are considerate enough to keep the balance of U.S.-Australian endangered species population in check. However, this valiant presidential typing session has baffled the Pentagon. Apparently, delivering condolences via social media sounds a little vague and lacks the touch of personal worldview. But hey, he did interrupt his aqua aerobics lesson. Sacrifices were made, folks. In another intriguing turn of events, the President exhibited an uncanny talent of selective speech. While he managed to adequately honour the victims, he categorically ignored commenting on the cause of the crash. The details of the accident are as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle or how the gas cap always ends up on the wrong side in the morning. The event could potentially be the result of a kangaroo-led communist conspiracy or a suddenly materializing gigantic electric eel deep in the Pacific, but neither the White House nor the Pentagon is palming any cards about the cause yet. Rest assured, Joe Biden may or may not be back in the pool tomorrow, and we may or may not find out what prosecuted the unfortunate accident. Will we get answers or will we yet be analysing presidential swimming patterns? Stay tuned for the next episode of 'As The World Spins'.