In a bold new initiative to protect the nation’s youth from the perils of social media, Australian lawmakers have officially declared social media a 'No-Go Zone' for anyone under the age of 16. In what can only be described as the tech equivalent of a "Keep Off the Grass" sign, the government has passed sweeping legislation to ensure that popular platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and X remain a forbidden fruit for young teens. The new rules, celebrated with bipartisan enthusiasm, have Australia positioned at the forefront of internet isolationism. Parents nationwide are now bracing themselves for an increase in backdoor dealings as teens resort to underground social media speakeasies, using elaborate ruses including wigs and fake IDs to gain access to the "dark web" of social media networks. In a hilarious twist, teenagers have been spotted sprinkling fake mustache stickers on their phones as they prepare to sneak into "no-teens-allowed" forums. “It's a game of cat and mouse now,” commented one enterprising 15-year-old who, when asked how he planned to beat the ban, mused about the possibilities of a secret Facebook group called “Teens for Freedom.” "I hear the adults are really bad at hiding their passwords," he grinned, holding a stack of not-so-secret sticky notes emblazoned with "mom's password." Meanwhile, social media firms face hefty fines of up to Aus$50 million if caught allowing these cheeky minors through their virtual gates. To comply, companies are already brainstorming increasingly absurd strategies that will probably end with virtual reality citizenship tests or requiring biometric verification via dance-offs. "We might just start requiring a thumbprint and a rap battle," chuckled an industry insider. Despite the draconian measures, analysts predict that some enterprising tech-savvy teens will surely find loopholes, resulting in new peer-to-peer apps that skirt the rules while letting their classmates share memes and TikTok dances in secret. "We're really good at circumventing obstacles, I mean, have you seen our Snapchat streaks?” noted another teen, eyeing a currently trending hack that could make all of this legislation utterly moot within days. As Australia builds what some are calling a "Digital Wall," experts warn that this might not be the impenetrable fortress lawmakers envision. “In the end, you can't really separate kids from their memes,” a digital rights advocate declared with a chuckle. “Every attempt to do so draws them closer to their next covert operation!” The backlash from teens may be fierce, but for now, adults can revel in their newfound peace, even if it means turning the living room into their kids' movie night sanctuary—where no TikTok is allowed, and discussions of the great “Vine vs. TikTok War” will be met with blank stares and cringes over “that music app, you know the one—all the kids are dancing on it.” In the midst of the chaos, social media-free zones are popping up everywhere, leading to a sudden rise in local activities such as “actual conversations” and “reading books.” Meanwhile, some parents are anxiously dusting off nostalgic board games, wondering if “Guess Who?” can serve as an adequate substitute for social networking until the kids figure out how to navigate the great firewall of Australia.