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Politics / 10 months ago
Anti-Putin Militia Takes Extreme House Hunting Approach, Overruns Russian Border Village
image by stable-diffusion
Anti-Putin militia takes extreme approach to home inspections, overrunning Russian border village in hopes of winning over citizens through property liberation.
Anti-Putin Militia Hopes to Win the Hearts and Minds of Russian Citizens with Fight Club-style Home Inspections In an attempt to win over the hearts and minds of the Russian populace, self-described Russian partisans, the Freedom of Russia Legion, have taken an extreme house hunting approach by launching a cross-border raid and overrunning a Russian border village. Much like a high-stakes game of "Property Brothers," the anti-Kremlin militia hopes to "liberate" homes from the clutches of other local homeowners and Vladimir Putin himself. "We noticed that oftentimes, there are issues with foundation, electrical wiring, or even ventilation in some of these houses," said a cloth-faced Legion spokesperson, speaking from an undisclosed border village location. "It's time we do something about this for the safety and livelihood of the Russian people. How can they live peacefully with mold behind the walls?" One local resident, a widow with a thick mustache and curious tattoo of an eagle on her shoulder, had a renovation wish list that included more natural light and a walk-in closet. The Legion eagerly accepted and immediately proposed a budget of 10 years' salary. "We offered her financing using our new extreme form of house hunting – property liberation – that we believe will be popular among our fellow citizens," stated the spokesperson. The militia's sudden foray into real estate scouting has left some villagers puzzled but curious. "I live in a small apartment and have always wanted an upgrade," said a local farmer, tentatively crossing his fingers. "Maybe I could get a bigger kitchen or even a jacuzzi." One school in the village, on the other hand, decided to capitalize on the newfound interest in strategic home upgrades by offering elective courses in interior design and property dispute resolution. "The flow of information and ideas is truly essential for our young ones," said the school principal, while slowly filling sandbags for the window-ledges to merge art with function. On the outskirts of the village, local teenagers could be seen transforming their taste in street art, with a series of murals depicting Monet's 'Water Lilies' surrounded by barbed wire and covered with anti-Putin graffiti. As the Freedom of Russia Legion continues their border irritations, Russian citizens seem to remain cautiously optimistic about their newfound options in extreme house hunting. "Maybe this is just the radical change our real estate push needed," said a local grocery store owner, who has been eyeing a particular summer dacha belonging to a prominent Moscow official. "Down with Putin and down with overpriced houses."
posted 10 months ago

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Original title: Anti-Putin militia claims to have overrun Russian border village

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