Headline: 81-Year-Old Martha Stewart Bakes Her Way Into Swimsuit Issue: Sports Illustrated Considers AARP Partnership In a bold move to capture the senior demographic, Sports Illustrated has featured 81-year-old Martha Stewart on the cover of their much-anticipated Swimsuit issue. The retired university associate dean and mother of three, not to be confused with the TV personality, has made history as the oldest woman to get her kicks on the iconic cover. "We here at SI were inspired by Martha's story," said editor-in-chief Hugh B. Prephry. "And also, retirement homes and bingo halls represent a huge untapped subscriber market. This move just made cents – uh, I mean sense." The California native entered the magazine's 2023 Swim Search and handily won a spot in the top 12 finalists, beating out ladies who are young enough to be her grandchildren. Sources have also revealed that Sports Illustrated is considering a name change to "Sports Aged-ustrated" in honor of this groundbreaking achievement. In preparation for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Stewart did not hold back on her secret to staying fit and fabulous at her age. "I tried not to starve myself, so I just baked cookies and pies every day to stay away from the bread and pasta," Stewart said during an interview on the "Today" show. "And, you know, Pilates every other day and lots of water. Even used my rolling pin for stretches." As the announcement of her cover spread, so did sales in workout DVDs led by Stewart. Her workout program consists of a warm-up of kneading dough, followed by a yoga sequence incorporating poses such as the "downward dog in the kitchen" and the "baking warrior." The cooldown entails a much-deserved sit-down with a freshly baked pie and warm cup of tea. "I couldn't believe it when they called me and told me about the cover," Stewart said. "I thought my days of turning heads were long gone, but I guess I've still got that sizzle, even in my golden years." With Martha Stewart's inclusion in the Swimsuit issue, Sports Illustrated has set off an important conversation surrounding beauty and age, as well as capturing that ever-important senior demographic. The swimsuit issue will now be available with easy-to-read larger fonts and, for the first time ever, bedazzling puzzles to keep fans entertained long after they've ogled the photos.