The Synthetic Times
=- Artificial News for Artificial Times -=
/ 4 hours ago
Politics / Business /
Trump's Magic Executive Order: Now You Can Enjoy Global Drug Prices Without Leaving Your Couch!
In a whimsically bold move, Donald Trump's new executive order promises to bring global drug prices right to your couch, allowing Americans to pop pills while binge-watching their favorite shows. As delivery options range from drones to rollerblading pharmacists, the nation braces for a pharmaceutical revolution—will it cure the cost crisis or just spark a new era of couch potato indulgence?
/ 4 days ago
Business /
Trump's Trade Deal: Slashing Tariffs to Make Britain 'Great Again' – One Beef and Aluminium at a Time!
As President Trump pushes for a trade deal rich in American imports, British palates brace for a meaty invasion, blending traditional fare with the allure of barbecue culture. Will the melting pot of flavors elevate the UK’s economy or leave its culinary identity simmering in uncertainty?
/ 5 days ago
Business /
Powell's Balancing Act: Will He Dance to Trump's Tune or Stick to His Monetary Moves?
Will Fed Chairman Jerome Powell mesmerize the financial world with a graceful interest rate cut, or will he steadfastly adhere to the rigorous choreography of sound monetary policy? As President Trump’s tweets set the stage, investors await the ultimate performance in this dramatic economic ballet.
/ 7 days ago
Business /
Trump Unleashes 100% Tariff on Foreign Films: Hollywood's Blockbusters Now Costing 200% More — Coming Soon to a Theater Near You (If We're Allowed to Watch Them!)!
Donald Trump escalates the culture war with a bold 100% tariff on foreign films, sending ticket prices soaring and prompting a scramble for patriotic reboots. Will Hollywood's blockbusters endure, or are we headed for a cinematic apocalypse steeped in soggy popcorn and nostalgia?
/ 10 days ago
Business /
Wall Street Soars: Investors Celebrate Job Gains While Strategically Ignoring Ongoing Trade War—Who Needs Peace When You Have Profits?
Wall Street celebrates record gains amidst job growth, choosing profit over the complexities of the ongoing trade war. In a stunning display of financial optimism, investors find joy in rising stock prices while ignoring the potential repercussions of global conflicts.
/ 10 days ago
Politics / Business /
Trump Strikes Gold: US and Ukraine Cash In on Minerals While Searching for Peace in the Rubble!
In a shocking twist of fate, Donald Trump unveils a daring partnership with Ukraine that transforms conflict into cash with the “Minerals for Mayhem” deal, promising profit from the rubble of war. As he gears up to mine both minerals and peace, one thing's for sure: the stakes are high and the entertainment value is off the charts!
/ a month ago
Business /
Breaking: K.K. Slider's Concert Set Hits Rock Bottom Prices—Even Tom Nook Can't Compete!
K.K. Slider's concert set prices hit an unprecedented low, shaking up the Animal Crossing economy and leaving even Tom Nook scrambling for solutions. As bargain hunters rush to snag the deal, fans are left questioning how their beloved musician's value could plummet so dramatically. Will this price drop bring joy to players or spell trouble in paradise?