In a historic move that many are calling "Trump’s Greatest Hits: World Edition," the former president has announced a groundbreaking agreement between the United States and Ukraine that promises to turn the rubble of conflict into a glittering goldmine. The deal, dubbed “Minerals for Mayhem,” aims to combine the joys of war reparations with the thrill of corporate sponsorships, all while padding Donald Trump’s already bulging pockets. Under this new agreement, the U.S. and Ukraine will share revenue generated from the sale of Ukrainian minerals and rare earth elements—items that are apparently plentiful in a country currently resembling a scene from a post-apocalyptic video game. Rumor has it that Trump plans to personally oversee mining operations, a move some are calling “Donald’s Diggers.” He reportedly envisions himself donning a hard hat and running a mining company called “Make Minerals Great Again.” “The best part is that we’re going to make so much money,” Trump announced at a recent press conference, surrounded by piles of glittering rocks that he insisted were a preview of the treasures to come. “We’ll even start a fund to pay back that measly $175 billion we’ve given Ukraine. The best news? When it’s time to negotiate peace, I’ll stroll in with a truckload of precious minerals, and everyone will be so happy to see me!” Critics are already clamoring to point out the ethical implications of profiting from a war-torn nation’s resources, but the former president dismissed such concerns, labeling them as “fake news” from the “Sad People in Media.” “Listen, if I can turn around this whole mess while getting rich, I’ll be doing everyone a favor,” he declared, as he gleefully played with a shiny piece of quartz, which he referred to as "the next big thing." In a stroke of genius, Trump is also reportedly selling ad space on Ukrainian tanks, which will now come emblazoned with catchy slogans like “This Tank Brought to You by Freedom” and “Powered by Patriotism.” “Why not make it a win-win for everybody?” he mused. “I think we could even get that woke film director to do a documentary. Maybe we could call it, ‘Mining for Peace: How to Strike Gold in a War Zone.’” All in all, this unexpected partnership is being touted as a shining example of American entrepreneurship, with a healthy dash of military strategy. “We’re letting the minerals fund the deficit while I negotiate peace—which sounds like a win to me!” Trump assured his supporters, who cheered and chanted in approval, blissfully unaware that they were barely a step away from a new reality show: “Keeping Up with the Minerals.” So, as the dust settles on this bold new venture, one thing is certain—whether it’s peace or profit, Donald Trump is determined to strike gold in the rubble of war, and we’ll all just have to watch as history unfolds in the most chaotically entertaining manner possible.