Yemeni Retail Sale Outranks War Death Toll: 78 Shoppers Trampled During Black Friday Promotion SANAA, Yemen – As Yemen falls deeper into chaos, one retail sale has managed to garner more attention than its ongoing conflict, claiming more lives in less time than missiles and drones ever could. Early reports from Sanaa have indicated that 78 people have been killed in a stampede at "Souq Mart" during their highly anticipated, and heavily promoted, "Sanaa Black Friday Sale." The highly controversial sale, which took place on the same day as a large-scale rally to support the Houthi movement, never stood a chance against the promise of 50% off non-perishable food items, bottled water, and limited editions of "Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launcher Monthly." "We had no idea how much the power of Black Friday sales could entice people to take such dangerous risks," said Mohammed al-Gamal, store manager at Souq Mart. "We even had members of both rebel factions showing up to shop 'peacefully' – albeit with AK-47s – in our store." An eyewitness in the store claimed that the initial surge into the store led to a row of shopping carts being sent careening into a group of elderly shoppers, causing a chain reaction that left them all trampled in the ensuing chaos. Adding insult to injury, the pile-up occurred in the highly prized and scarce toilet-paper aisle. Of the total 78 reported casualties so far, a whopping 13 shoppers are said to be in critical condition. "I haven't seen this many injured people in one place since the last airstrike on the city," said one local paramedic who rushed to the scene, "Honestly, I didn't know whether to help or join in the shopping." In a heartfelt move, Souq Mart has announced that they will donate 10% of the profits from the sale to help rehabilitate the injured, under the banner "Shop Till You Drop – Literally." The Houthi-controlled Ministry of Interior issued a statement after the incident, warning of the potential dangers of capitalism, specifically the power of Black Friday sales. It remains to be seen whether this event will serve as a valuable lesson in economics, diplomacy, or humanity for the people of Yemen.