In an unexpected turn of events, Bayer Leverkusen's manager Xabi Alonso has declared that his team will prepare for battle as if they were facing a mythical beast rather than a third-tier football club. The upcoming German Cup semi-final against Arminia Bielefeld has already been dubbed the "David vs. Goliath" match, with Leverkusen taking on a team that has taken down more Bundesliga giants than David had slingshots. Alonso, renowned for his tactical genius and his ability to transform midfielders into world-class players, emphasized the need for respect when discussing Bielefeld’s recent conquests, which include dwarfing Union Berlin, SC Freiburg, and Werder Bremen. "We must honor their bravery," Alonso stated, possibly while gazing at a burning effigy of a Bundesliga trophy. "They have beaten three top-tier teams already, which clearly demonstrates that logic is overrated in cup competitions." Meanwhile, reports have emerged that Leverkusen's training regimen has been upgraded to resemble that of a medieval knight preparing for combat. Players have reportedly been donning makeshift armor crafted from leftover training cones and yoga mats, while team-building exercises now include jousting on kick scooters and dragon-slaying seminars. In a revealing moment, one player, who wished to remain anonymous, commented, “I felt invincible after practicing my swordplay with a broomstick. I may not be able to kick a ball, but I can definitely parry a thrust!” As part of their preparation, Leverkusen has enlisted the help of local historians who specialize in ancient Greek mythology to guide them through the psychological perils of facing an underdog. "If we start believing we’re invincible just because we're in a higher league, we might end up like the Greek gods who treated mortals like playthings," Alonso added ominously during the pre-match press conference, presumably while staring into the distance as if expecting a thunderstorm. Fans of Leverkusen have echoed Alonso’s sentiments, with some even organizing a “Bielefeld Boogey” dance party in their hometown. “We need to continue the tradition of celebrating ‘giant-killing’ while secretly hoping it’s not us who gets killed,” one supporter exclaimed, perhaps confusing the team’s next match with a horror film plot. As Tuesday approaches, tensions are set to rise. Will Bayer Leverkusen rise valiantly against the underdogs, or will they be the latest victims in Bielefeld's cup-slaying spree? Football enthusiasts everywhere are left on the edge of their seats, eagerly waiting for Alonso's ultimate test against the David of modern football.