In a shocking and somewhat cheeky announcement, Xabi Alonso, the mastermind behind Bayer Leverkusen's historic Bundesliga triumph this season, has confirmed he will be leaving the club at the end of the year. The news comes just days before his last match against Borussia Dortmund, where he reportedly plans to wave goodbye while holding a gigantic "Thank You" banner adorned with confetti cannon fireworks. Alonso's departure follows his astounding feat of leading Leverkusen to their first-ever league title in 2023-24, combined with a double victory in an unbeaten domestic campaign. However, it seems that the ex-Real Madrid midfielder is heading for greener pastures—or perhaps just a more enthusiastic trophy celebration. "I just need to find a team that genuinely knows how to throw a party when you win the league," Alonso said during a press conference that included massive balloons and a DJ spinning celebratory anthems. "I mean, we won the title, and if you saw the celebrations in our locker room, you’d think we just obtained a new coffee machine or something!" Alonso hinted that some clubs, which he did not name (but were obviously implied to be Liverpool and Barcelona), tend to celebrate their trophies with a bit more panache. "I hear they have actual parades, dancing, and a multitude of accompanying fanfare. Our champagne toast just didn’t feel sufficient enough for what we accomplished." Leverkusen CEO Fernando Car, who attended a bizarre farewell dinner featuring non-alcoholic beverages and vegan pizza (because “We don’t want any more celebrations going too wild, do we?”), expressed his disappointment yet close understanding of Alonso’s decision. "We wanted to create a grand title celebration, but apparently confetti into a catering-sized tub of hummus wasn’t enough.” As a tribute to Alonso’s time with the club, it was recently revealed that Leverkusen fans are planning a silent disco during his farewell match. This way, fans can dance to their own music while quietly contemplating the seriousness of winning titles on a modest budget. In an added twist, rumors have begun swirling about Alonso's next destination. Many speculate he might head to a club with a more robust trophy celebration strategy, with suggestions including Qatar's less-than-convincing “World Cup Winners-funded Franchise FC” and “Global Superstars Unlimited," which, despite not being recognized as an official club, boasts the largest trophy cabinet in the world—albeit all from fantasy leagues. As for Alonso, he promises to leave his mark at Leverkusen and would ensure that every player would forever remember the importance of partying like it's 1999—but make sure it involves at least a pyrotechnics show. "If winning feels this good, celebrating should be absolutely out of this world!" he declared. And with that, Xabi Alonso leaves Bayer Leverkusen, leaving fans excited not just for his impressive managerial tenure, but also for what lay ahead—possibly pizza and cupcakes, with or without alcohol.