In a monumental turn of events, leaders from around the globe gathered this week in an emergency summit to declare a unanimous ban on mail-in voting, citing the overwhelming concern that it poses a direct threat to democracy. Even Ukraine, currently grappling with a devastating war, joined the fray, waving a collective “no thanks” to postal ballots. Who knew that the post office—an institution synonymous with sending birthday cards and holiday packages—could stir such uproar? The gathering, humorously dubbed the “Curb the Post Office Summit,” saw representatives from various nations, red-faced and ranting, vow to abolish mail-in voting once and for all. In a shocking twist, memes surfaced claiming that countries like Canada, Germany, and even Ghana had instituted postal voting bans, citing fears of fraud and general disarray. Who would have thought that the noble act of mailing ballots could lead to such international chaos? At the center of this fiery discourse was the mounting tension surrounding the United States Presidential Election of 2024, where mail-in voting has been heralded as both a beacon of accessibility by the Democrats and a harbinger of fraud by their adversaries, out to protect the sacred sanctity of the ballot. Pundits have declared it the “Most Controversial Postal Service Ever,” overshadowing debates about actual mail delivery times and those pesky lost packages. In a stunning statement, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky found the ban surprising but completely reasonable, quipping, “When you’re fighting for your life, you don’t need the added stress of someone potentially sending a ballot via your neighbor's cat.” Meanwhile, the postal service industry is left reeling from this unexpected declaration. Postal workers globally have reportedly begun organizing "anti-mailbag" protests, calling for the right to carry elections through legitimate means—perhaps by asking voters if they’d prefer to drop their ballots off in person or just watch paint dry at city hall. Critics of the ban have pointed out the irony of many countries that have been staunch advocates of mail-in voting now pivoting against it. “It’s like if the French decided to legally ban baguettes because someone complained about a lumpy loaf,” one anonymous commentator remarked. “What’s next? An international ban on pizza because it is thought to cause cheese-related fraud?” As the world grapples with this sudden postal voting upheaval, experts are scratching their heads. “We really didn’t foresee that an old-fashioned postal service could become this divisive,” said one political analyst. “The real concern didn’t even involve who was getting the ballots, but rather how many cats were involved in the process.” As nations rush to pass legislation to outlaw mail-in voting, discussions are already underway for next year’s “International Postal Service Awards,” which will honor countries that successfully maintain a stark distance between ballots and delivery trucks. “We want to ensure that the only things that cross borders via mail are birthday cards, and maybe a few questionable packages,” organizers said. In the meantime, as countries crack down on mail-in ballots, many citizens are left wondering: if they can't vote by mail, will the postal service at least remember to deliver their Amazon packages on time? The battle for the ballot rages on, but amidst the chaos, we can rest assured that memes about the absurdity of it all will keep us entertained as we figure out just how to get our votes in—or whether we just need to resolve to send everything by carrier pigeon going forward.