In a stunning display of family loyalty that could only be rivaled by a heartwarming Hallmark movie, President Biden shocked the nation by pardoning his son, Hunter Biden, leading the White House Press Secretary to declare, “No family member left behind!” During a press briefing that felt less like a political update and more like a scene from a reality TV show, Karine Jean-Pierre took to the podium, sporting a wide grin that suggested either good news or a new line of “Biden Family” merchandise was about to be unveiled. As she began addressing reporters, one would think she was promoting a new ice cream flavor rather than discussing the controversial pardon that had the press room buzzing like an over-caffeinated bee colony. “Today is a historic day. Not only is it a testament to the power of love, but it also shows that in politics, just like in life, it’s all about who you know,” she proclaimed, while awkwardly shifting her papers like a magician desperately trying to pull a rabbit from a hat that just wasn’t cooperating. When pressed about the numerous assurances that no pardon would come, Jean-Pierre cleverly dodged by invoking the classic political maneuver: the “misunderstood intent.” “What we meant was, we wouldn’t *not* consider options that were on the table, and as we all know, the dining table can often lead to unexpected places,” she said, winking at the notion of family dinners where discussions range from ethics to dessert toppings. As reporters sat in disbelief, one particularly cheeky journalist couldn’t resist asking, “So, like, can I get a pardon for my unpaid parking tickets if I show you my family tree?” The room erupted in laughter, but Jean-Pierre remained unfazed. “I’m afraid that’s not how this works. But I’m sure we can explore options with the Department of Parking Relations,” she quipped, invigorating her audience with the promise of an uncharted bureaucratic adventure. Meanwhile, across town, the trial of Daniel Penny continued to draw attention, and the courtroom drama was almost overshadowed by the circus atmosphere outside the White House. One bystander was heard shouting, “We want reality TV, not reality politics!” as the media frenzy kicked into high gear. Back in the press room, as reporters bombarded Jean-Pierre with questions akin to “Can I get a refund for my last month's cable bill?” she confidently wrapped up the briefing with a phrase that would become instantly viral: “Family pardons are the new black!” As she walked away from the podium, one thing was certain: the Biden family had just added a new holiday to the calendar — “Pardon Day,” where forgiveness is not just a virtue, but a family tradition. And taxpayers everywhere were left pondering what it might look like when tax season becomes a whole family affair.