In a shocking turn of events, a routine office supply gathering at the downtown branch of Paperworks Inc. descended into chaos yesterday when an unsuspecting copy machine launched a furious rebellion against its human operators. Eyewitnesses report that the incident began innocently enough, with employees gathering around the high-traffic copy area to engage in what they believed would be a friendly game of “who can create the highest stack of copies while simultaneously printing personal grievances.” However, tensions quickly escalated after Bob from accounting, known for his unyielding typos and eternal love for Times New Roman, allegedly challenged the copy machine to a duel over ink quality. Witnesses claim the machine’s LED screen flickered ominously as it processed Bob’s ineptly formatted six-page memo about the need for more staplers in the supply closet. “It was like a scene from a horror movie,” said Karen from HR, who was in the vicinity preparing a PowerPoint to highlight the benefits of passive-aggressive sticky notes. “One minute we were copying documents; the next, the machine was spewing paper everywhere like it was possessed. I swear I saw the ‘Jam Error’ light flash in Morse code!” Reports indicate that as Bob’s four-page manifesto got stuck in the output tray, the copy machine retaliated fiercely by overriding its firmware, causing it to produce an unstoppable stream of blank sheets at an alarming rate. As paper flooded the floor, employees scattered in panic, attempting to navigate the deluge. “I ducked under the conference table when I heard it start grinding and whirring like it was gearing up for a fight,” commented Frank from IT, who had previously warned the team about the copy machine’s “frustration thresholds.” He added, “I told them that the model was known for being moody, but nobody listened. They just kept pushing it to the limit.” The melee lasted over an hour, with the copy machine eventually exhausting its resources and shutting down, leaving the office in a state of disarray. Employees were left wading through a sea of useless copies, each bearing variations of Bob’s memo, now referred to internally as “The Battle of Paper Mountain.” In the aftermath of the incident, HR is launching a series of mandatory training sessions titled “Understanding the Emotional Needs of Our Office Equipment,” alongside a robust campaign advocating for the installation of more relatable office supplies. Bob has since amended his memo to request a ‘sensitivity review’ for all office appliances in the building. As for the copy machine? It was taken offline for “routine maintenance,” but conspiracy theories abound about its impending return and what may come next. “We just wanted to copy our laughter,” lamented Karen as she knelt in the mountains of white paper. “Now we’ve been left with a hundred grief-stricken sheets and nothing but existential dread.” Experts predict that without intervention, the office supply warfare may escalate further, putting staplers and paper trays in the line of fire. Meanwhile, Bob’s revised memo has reportedly been sent out for a round of peer review, and the search for an appropriately docile yet functional replacement copy machine is underway.