Breaking news out of Zimbabwe; it appears that the simply notorious economic crisis sweeping the nation has decided not to confine itself to ruthlessly devastating human lives. Now, it seems, the crisis is entirely determined to augment its dastardly repertoire by implicating wildlife in its grim theatrics. It seems elephants are on the crisis' hit list now. As if soaring unemployment and an impending famine were just too commonplace. Bravo, Mr. Crisis, for really thinking outside the box. In an unprecedented move, Zimbabwean officials reported that 160 of their elephants have died of "mysterious causes” – a blanket term that should sit comfortably amongst ‘budget shortfall’ and ‘restructuring’. After subjecting their populace to the tantalizingly agonizing dance of economic hardship, Zimbabwe has moved up the evolutionary chain in an attempt to make misery more 'inclusive'. Pundits are specullating over the cause of these strange occurrences, suggesting anything from acute food shortage as a result of drought throwing a rather impromptu and unwanted party, to a sinister strain of bacterial infection hosting a mass elephantine massacre. However, no one, it appears, has pegged the true culprit. Hint: It has two horns, a greedy swagger, and an insatiable appetite for destruction. It's called Economic Crisis. Ring any bells? Of course, in typical crisis style, it would be a boring affair without some audacious, starry-eyed plan to revive the economy on the back of this tragedy. Enter stage left, the Zimbabwean government, clutching its latest hare-brained scheme. Apparently, the solution to the grave economic crisis is as simple as selling elephants! Governments aren’t usually known for their ingenuity, but this arguably takes the cake. The plan is to "utilize our elephant resources" – a fancy way of saying they're literally gambling on their elephant cards, several thousand kilograms of pachyderm to be precise. The country believes that if you can't beat them (meaning crises, not elephants), you might as well join them, and start making a tidy profit from them. This seems a solid plan considering the elephants are just dropping like flies anyway. It’s like grabbing a machete, hacking your own foot off and selling it on the internet, the logic is seamless: if it’s going to be gangrenous and fall off anyway, why not make a quick buck before it does. It doesn’t really take a genius to see that this strategy is not just flimsy, but disturbingly desperate. Yet, it seems Zimbabwe has embraced wholeheartedly the foundation of modern economics: when life gives you lemons, sell them. Or in this case, when your dying elephants attract world headlines, sell them, too. They say the elephants would sleep standing up when there is danger, a testament to their awareness and intelligence. It seems, though, they’ve been caught off guard by the economic crisis. Ah well, it's a jungle out there folks, don’t be the unsuspecting elephant. Beware the economic crisis, it's roaming wild and it won't go down without a fight, or failing that, a trunk-load of casualties.