In a groundbreaking move to enhance child development, Nickel Boys Reform School has officially adopted a revolutionary dining experience designed to help students confront their inner traumas while enjoying heartfelt dishes. The new “Heartbreak Café” menu promises to serve up plates of nostalgia garnished with a side of existential dread, ensuring that every meal is not just a feast for the belly, but a reflection on the true essence of lost childhood dreams. “We want our students to savor the flavor of their unfulfilled aspirations,” said Headmaster Grieves, whilst balancing a heaping plate of fried reminiscences. “Every bite of our signature dish, ‘Drowning in Regrets Stew,’ is an invitation to explore the past — preferably while reminiscing in the company of friends who also have dreams that fell victim to institutional neglect.” The dining room is a cacophony of youthful confusion, where laughter hangs tenuously in the air before being devoured by the drudgery of the institution. Newly enrolled student Elwood (Ethan Herisse) was spotted trying to bond with fellow inmate Turner (Brandon Wilson) over shared interests such as playing chess and avoiding the latest reading assignments. “I thought I’d be meeting kids my age who are preparing for the future, but instead, I'm making friends over a plate of ‘Crushed Hopes’ served with a side of ‘Longing’,” lamented Elwood as he watched another student dive into ‘Lost Dreams Dessert’ — a mixture of whipped cream and crushed candy representing the sweetness of childhood innocence, marred by a lingering bitterness. But the menu at Nickel Boys isn’t just for students. Staff members have their own selection, featuring ‘Joy Suppression Soup’ and ‘Pressure Cooker Pot Roast,’ with a dessert option called ‘Staff Burnout Brownies.’ According to sources, the plan is to make every individual feel uniquely special by ensuring that they all share in the experience of heartache, disappointment, and multiple servings of trauma. In a bold marketing move, the school has also introduced “Adulting Nights,” where faculty members are encouraged to unleash their pent-up frustrations and share tales of external societal pressures over a glass of “Drowning Sorrows” — a handcrafted concoction guaranteed to remind them of all the unattained goals they once had. As students dig into their meals, bright-eyed optimism gives way to an exquisite blend of resignation and camaraderie. “I’ve never felt so connected to my fellow classmates,” Turner remarked wistfully, stirring his ‘Whipped Regrets’ with a plastic fork. “We’re all really just kids stuck in a correctional facility, anxiously waiting for life to serve us something less bitter than sorrow.” As diners finish their meals, desserts become engulfed in nostalgia. Faculty members rush to collect empty plates before they can slip into full-blown introspection. The lights dim and a reflective playlist, featuring tracks about heartbreak and lost dreams, plays softly in the background. And just like that, another day at Nickel Boys concludes: students leave the dining hall, full in every sense, carrying scars that blend seamlessly with their carefully curated memories of a childhood that never truly got started. The Heartbreak Café’s motto sums it all up: “Here, we don’t just serve food; we serve life lessons on a plate.”