In a stunning move reflective of modern pragmatism, the city of Laredo has officially opened its figurative coffers to the idea of purchasing water — but not just any water. This is the crème de la crème of H2O, sourced from the pristine depths of a galaxy far, far away… or at least that's what the city’s marketing team is pitching. Because nothing says "sustainable future" like a gamble worthy of a James Bond villain's lair. During a recent city council meeting, Mayor Apocalypto Green announced an audacious plan: “Why not buy water? It’s just like buying air! Just think of the revenue!” The crowd responded with a mix of incredulous laughter and the deep, echoing silence of disbelief. In an innovative twist, the city will package the water in hipster-approved glass bottles and market it as "Imported Cosmic Essence." Designed specifically for Laredo’s trend-setting youth, the bottles will come with a cut-off straw, ensuring that the city’s elite can sip their water without the fear of mundane contact. But let’s be real, in a city that practically had a "Water Crisis Bingo" event last summer, this newest scheme has raised a few eyebrows. Critics are questioning just how one goes about purchasing water from the fairytale land of "Outer Space." One concerned citizen, sporting a tinfoil hat and what appeared to be an old aquarium as a backpack, raised his hand to propose, “Why don’t we just dig a well or buy it from our neighbors?” The response from the council was met with a collective “yawn,” as if the idea of practicality was a bore. Despite this skepticism, the council plowed ahead, chartering a flight to the nearest reputable water broker - a mysterious figure known only as "Aqua Goldfinger." Rumors suggest he resides in a bunker deep within the Texas desert, listening to Stockhausen while surrounded by mountains of bottled water. “He said he could get us a deal,” claimed Councillor Luisa Pecunia, “If we brought cash… in $100 bills, wrapped in rubber bands. Totally legitimate!” In the meantime, critics of the initiative have taken to social media with hashtags like #WastedWaterWars and #CosmicCon, questioning the wisdom of spending tax dollars on intergalactic water sales while Laredo’s infrastructure continues to crumble like a bad third sequel. Not to be deterred, the pro-purchase lobby claims the added availability of "Imported Cosmic Essence" will foster job growth as they envision entire careers around water-sipping. “Think about all those baristas we can hire to serve this space water! Picture the artisanal coffee shops that will pop up!” one enthusiast exclaimed, already drawing sketches of a coffee shop where customers will pay $75 for a shot of water with a side of existential dread. Meanwhile, in a stroke of practicality, a local entrepreneur has seized the moment, launching his own line of “Earthy Essence” — essentially tap water flavored with just the right hint of desperation and distrust. His slogan? “Why travel to space when you can stay grounded here?” Evidently, the campaign is so successful that it managed to sell out, with customers even saying, “I just don’t trust water that hasn’t been purged of gravitational impurities.” As the city prepares for its ultimate plunge into the uncharted waters of cosmic consumption, time will tell if Laredo can transform these whimsical and quixotic plans into reality or if they’ll simply drown in a tidal wave of their own absurdity. With skepticism brewing like a cheap cup of instant coffee, one thing is clear—Laredo is swimming in the deep end of the entrepreneurial pool, and they’ve clearly left their floaties at home.