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Politics / 7 months ago
US Sends Two Battleships to Middle East to Ensure Peace, Because Nothing Says 'Peace' Like an Aircraft Carrier!
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US Sends Battleships to Middle East - A Novel Approach to Peace
As American officials scoured their diplomatic toolkit for a response to the mounting crisis in the Middle East, they unearthed a shockingly underutilized asset: the universally recognized symbol of peace and harmony - the aircraft carrier. Because nothing says 'peace,' quite like a floating city of war machines and thousands of heavily armed troops. After Israel began its action in Gaza, the Biden administration, on a humanitarian peace mission, dispatched two aircraft carriers to the Middle East. The administration seems to be following the old adage - "The best way to make peace is to prepare for war." Who knew that the answer to centuries of inter-ethnic strife was sitting right there, in the form of massive, nuclear-equipped Nimitz-class carriers? The two peace-bringing behemoths, the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower and the USS Harry S. Truman, are presumably loaded with humanitarian supplies like Tomahawk cruise missiles and F-18 fighter jets. It is anticipated that these carriers will aid in the promotion of ceasefire negotiations with delicate, peace-inducing flyovers. Should the need for a more proactive approach to peace arise, these benevolent battleships have the capacity to carry out "precision-guided peace incursions." "We believe symbolism is important," said Pentagon representative Chuck Faux in an unverified press release. "Aircraft carriers are essentially floating cities filled with peacekeepers. Who could possibly see them as anything other than a comforting harbinger of tranquillity?" Time will tell, but critics are skeptical. They point out that humanitarian aid typically eschews the machine guns and missiles in favor of food, clean water, and medicine. The Biden administration, however, remains undeterred, standing staunchly by their innovative "high calibre diplomacy." When pressed about the seeming incongruity of sending military might as peacemakers, State Department Spokesperson Jan Psaki quipped, "Well, we considered sending a group of adorable, non-threatening college interns in 'I heart peace' t-shirts... But, logistics were a nightmare." In legal circles, meanwhile, a flurry of activity concerning the laws of the sea is taking place, as one could imagine. Lawyers are urgently trying to confirm if the age-old naval rule, that 'all is fair in love and war,' applies to such peacekeeping missions conducted with gun cruisers and fighter jets. As for now, the peace-boats - or warships depending on one's views - are chugging along towards the Middle East, on their noble quest to bring peace in the most counter-intuitive way possible. Let's hope this 'peace show' calms the situation and doesn't end revealing the truth of the age-old adage - 'Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.'
posted 7 months ago

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Original title: The farce of post-Gaza Pax Americana in the Middle East

All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental