Welcome to the Age of Eternal Youth: How to Defy Aging with Absolutely No Science Behind It Congratulations! You’ve stumbled upon the ultimate guide to reverse aging, a highly sought-after secret that medical professionals are *definitely* keeping under wraps because they get paid *so* much to see you get older. Fear not, fellow anti-agers! This article will arm you with the tools to appear forever youthful—without ever having to lift a finger, except for all the fingers you'll need to scroll through social media in search of miraculous before-and-after photos. Step 1: Douse Yourself in Avocado Oil Forget those fancy face creams loaded with biotechnology and questionable promise! The secret to eternal youth lies within the green, gloriously squishy flesh of the avocado. Slather yourself in avocado oil every morning and evening. Not only will this give your skin a luscious sheen reminiscent of an oil slick, but you can also channel your inner hipster as you boast that you are one with this trendy fruit! Bonus: the aroma is bound to attract like-minded individuals desperate to share a million Instagram stories about their last brunch. Step 2: Start a Fad Diet—Or Three Nothing says "I’m young" like a bewildering diet plan that makes your friends question your sanity. Try the “Breatharian” diet where you conceptualize your calories instead of consuming them. Just imagine eating a kale salad while slowly but surely fading into non-existence! Alternatively, dabble in the “5:2 Diet,” a revolutionary method where you eat whatever you want but lie about it on social media the other five days of the week. If you can fool your followers into believing you live off air and juice cleanses, you will eliminate the visible signs of aging... at least until they see you in person. Step 3: Make Friends with Anyone Under 30 Your social circle is crucial to your youthfulness. Surround yourself with a clique of vibrant, young millennials and Gen Z-ers who can keep you in the loop with the latest lingo, trends, and viral TikTok dances. As you pretend to understand a world involving avocado toast and cryptocurrencies, you’ll also absorb their youthful energy—at least until their Spotify playlist reveals the songs you once listened to in high school. Step 4: Shop for Clothes at the Teen Section Who says age determination is based on the year you were born? Certainly not us! If it fits, it’s forever in style! Strut into stores with "Juniors" sections and throw the oversized sweaters of your youth onto the clearance rack. Nothing makes you feel more youthful than seeing the bewildered expressions of the store clerks as you insist “this is totally my vibe!” You’ll be a living testament to the fact that age is just a number. A huge number that you don't need to acknowledge because, hey, have you seen these butterfly clips and low-rise jeans? Step 5: Meditate—But Only if There’s a Filter Let’s be real: meditation is cool, but *only* if it can be captured on camera. Zen-ing out in a beautiful park makes for an excellent story post. Don’t worry too much about the actual mindfulness part—spending hours capturing the perfect contemplative shot will bring you zen-like peace. Alternatively, simply say “namaste” to your reflection in the mirror while guzzling your third cup of coffee, and boom—spirituality achieved. Step 6: Ignore Real Science Completely Why bother with clinical studies and aging research when you can simply ignore them? Science might hold truths about diet, exercise, and genetics, but your stubborn optimism will surely win the day. Remember, if you believe hard enough, perhaps you can will your cells into a continuous state of vitality with the sheer power of wishful thinking! If you ever need a boost, just scroll through social media for the latest snake oil sold as a “miracle elixir”—you might even fall for a promise so outrageous, it becomes *the next big thing.* Conclusion: Welcome to a Life of Delusion! Congratulations! You are now equipped with the essential tools to remain forever youthful in appearance—at least in your mind! Adopt these absurd practices with unwavering confidence, and you'll soon be confusing yourself for a fresh-faced college student. Just remember, as you navigate your path to eternal youth: aging is inevitable, but pretending to be young is a full-time job. Who needs reality when you have your dreams and the perfect filter?