Title: "Guide to a Hardcore Carnivore's Diet: The Secret to Perfect Health" Attention, T-bone chomping, steak savoring, bacon aficionados; welcome to the ultimate guide to being a 100% unapologetic hardcore carnivore. Step 1: Forget That Gardens Exist Yes, you heard it! Plants comically insist people consume them for something they call 'health benefits,' fibers, vitamins, and whatnot. But let's trust our instincts here. Did T-Rex munch on a leafy green salad while watching the sun go down? No, they gnawed on Diplodocus drumsticks, so that’s good enough for us. So let's honor our ancestral dinosaur brethren by doing the same. Your first step towards attaining perfect health is to pretend that the "garden" is merely a myth concocted by veggie-loving millennials. Step 2: The Only Green Thing is Money The notion of 'going green' for health benefits has been distorted by an influx of green notes flashing from the pockets of salad enthusiasts. However, the robust community of staunch carnivores understands that the only good green thing is the money you save by not buying that overpriced kale smoothie or green detox juice. Step 3: Newspapers for Knowledge Remember when newspapers reported that an egg a day, keeps the doctor away? Yeah, me neither. But why let a minor omission of reality hamper your perfect carnivore diet? Stick to your newspaper nutritionist, trust that rainy day egg theory, and splurge on eggs, boiled, poached, sunny side up, scrambled, omelette—egg is your way to eggnore veggies completely. Step 4: Embrace The Holy Trinity: P,B & J Whoever thought that vegetables make a complete meal probably never experienced the magic of Peanut Butter and Jelly. This holy trinity in the world of carnivores should be your go-to meal choice when you're not feasting on ribs or chicken wings. PB&J is proof you don't need vegetables to stay happy—or survive, for that matter. Step 5: Fitness? More like Fit-this Burger into my Mouth! Don’t worry about exercise, it's overrated. Those abs? Nothing but rib holders. You were not born to spend hours doing burpees; you were born to enjoy life and savor the beefy goodness of the never-ending cheeseburgers. Step 6: Aggressive Yawning Being a hardcore carnivore requires some level of exercise for digestion. So here’s the trick: Aggressive yawning. Yes, you read that right! This extreme sport creates movement within your body, helping process the all-meat-no-greens diet while also giving your facial muscles an intense workout. No broccoli, spinach, or carrot will ever understand the absolute joy that a strip of juicy bacon brings to your taste buds or the satisfaction you feel when biting into that beautifully cooked steak. Remember, you are a carnivore, an apex predator on top of the food chain - the barbeque king. In all seriousness though, a perfectly balanced diet, including both meat and vegetables, regular exercise, and annual health checkups, are the secret to real health and longevity. So, have your steak but eat your greens too!