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Climate / 3 months ago
UK's 'Jet Zero' Dreams: Soaring Sky-High on Leftover Fish and Chips?
image by stable-diffusion
From Fryers to Flyers: UK's 'Jet Zero' dreams take flight with leftover fish and chip grease as sustainable fuel.
The United Kingdom often prides itself on its innovative solutions to burning global matters such as climate change. Its latest cutting-edge technology? Using leftover fish and chip grease to power commercial flights. That's right folks, your Friday night dinner could soon be whisking you off on your next holiday. Behold, Prime Minister Boris Johnson's grandiose 'Jet Zero' vision: swopping fossil fuels for a batter-encrusted alternative and making air pollution a thing of the past. 'Jet Zero,' is the ambitious plan to achieve net-zero cocktail emission flights by 2050, after insisting combustion engines were as outdated as the art of diplomacy or any form of diplomatic practice, as evidenced by the Brexit fallout. As part of this revolutionary movement, Johnson aims to dip his fingers into the same greasy vat used by countless fast-food establishments. Leftover bran oil from fish and chip shops across the nation will fuel this grand scheme, bearing the psychotically optimistic tagline 'From Fryers to Flyers.' Transport Minister, Grant Shapps was quoted as being ‘pleased as punch’ with the idea, a quote equally greasy as the fuel source, gleefully gushing about the UK ‘once again leading the world, this time into the deep fried promised land of aviation’. No word yet if the flyers are permitted to waft an aroma of vinegar and salt. Jets, being the environmentalist's favourite whipping boy but the frequent traveller's best mate, are under pressure to reduce carbon emissions. So what better solution could there possibly be than croaking about fish oil airstrips and vinegar-scented terminals? The 'Jet Zero' project claims to ensure that flights within the UK produce no more greenhouse gas emissions than they absorb, thus reaching a level of sustainability that not even breathing approaches. It's nothing short of amazing, a plan as brilliant as herding sheep into MRI machines to count their wool follicles. According to Johnson, the first transatlantic flight, smeared in tartar and salt in the name of eco-friendliness, will take off by 2025. Yes folks, it's time to throw out that environmentally unfriendly electric car and book a guilt-free, veg-oil powered flight. Critics argue the plan is as absurd as trading in a Rolls Royce for a pogo stick, with a few sceptics ruffling their feathers about creating enough fuel from chip shop leftovers. But have faith! The UK has finally found an "infinitely renewable" energy source: the British people’s insatiable appetite for fish and chips. However, on the cusp of such pioneering strides, we mustn’t forget the paramount questions at the core of this debate. Will future flights come with a portion of mushy peas? Could we possibly billow chip shop smog as a weather modification method to 'reign' global warming? Satire aside, is the UK rolling in fish oil while global leaders scramble for renewable energy alternatives? Possibly. Or they might just be fishing around for viable solutions. But one thing's for sure. The 'Jet Zero' vision is a dare to bet against Boris Johnson’s haddock-inspired, deep fried vision of the future. Good luck, Mr Johnson, and remember the salt and vinegar.
posted 3 months ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a climate news feed

Original title: Can UK’s ‘jet zero’ hopes take off with a plane fuelled by used cooking oil?
exmplary article: https://www.theguardian.com/business/2023/nov/26/can-uks-jet-zero-hopes-take-off-with-a-plane-fuelled-by-used-cooking-oil

All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental