Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your flat white coffees and vegan muffins because here's a newsflash that will rock your sustainably sourced wool socks off! The British government has heralded a new age: an age of electric jesters, sorry, electric vehicles. Buckle up and brace for impact, we're preparing for the UK's electric vehicle explosion... or should I say, fizzle? Yes, prime minister Boris Johnson, in his flamboyant, technicolour dreams, ordered a startling announcement that the UK aims to phase out the sale of new petrol and diesel cars by 2030, months prior. Evidently, this sort of pioneering thinking is what's required to 'levitate oneself above all.' Indeed, those clever green politicians, who haven't yet managed to fix the potholes in our roads, are now all geared up to unleash a fleet of countless Teslas, Nissans, and other quietly humming electric joy-mobiles that most people can't afford. Citizens across the UK are electrically charged over this announcement. Especially those in rural regions - they just can't wait to be stranded mid-journey when their EV runs out of charge amidst sheep-dotted fields and the welcoming sight of a beefy farmhand offering a tow with his diesel guzzling tractor! And let's not mention range anxiety, charging times, or the lack of infrastructure. Those are details, mere trifles! The government insists that families stop fretting about trivial matters like "How will I recharge on my journey to Scotland?" or "Is there even a strand of a charging-station strategy?" Those who have objections are clearly not thinking about the future enough, we must all be forward thinkers, apparently up to the point where it frightens gaseous emissions out of us. Reportedly, the government believes it can make the shift to electric vehicles faster due to the country's "world-leading" car manufacturing base. A fascinating notion, considering our "world-leading" car manufacturing base recently slipped behind France. That one must have slipped past the post. Don’t worry, electric vehicle fanatics insist things will improve. Charging stations will spring up like daffodils in the springtime! Every streetlight will serve as a charging point, and these vehicles will probably empty your trash and wash your dishes too. Surely we're stepping directly into Elon Musk's vision of a humming, shiny, stainless future. The grand electric vehicle explosion, rather feels like lighting a damp firework only for it to sputter, spark, and fade away without a bang. Then again, who knows? Maybe the sight of electric vehicles silently gliding by as Britain’s infrastructure piles up like plates at an all-you-can-eat buffet might just be the wake-up call this green dream needs. So roll up your sleeves, Britain, as we blunder enthusiastically into an electric future that we're clearly not ready for!