In a bold attempt to resurrect the UK's sluggish economy, the government has unveiled its latest strategy: "Betting on Robots to Save the Economy While Humans Keep Hitting the Snooze Button!" While millions of citizens continue to enjoy the snooze button's blissful embrace, Prime Minister Keir Starmer and Chancellor Rachel Reeves are convinced that artificial intelligence will magically transform the nation into an economic powerhouse. At a recent press conference, the duo assured a skeptical public that robots can do it all—from impressively summarising documents that nobody reads to providing medical assessments that could rival the expertise of, well, actual medical professionals. "Why consult a real doctor when a computer can diagnose your ailment based on a quick Google search?" Starmer quipped, chuckling at the absurdity of the situation. In a stroke of genius, the government has decided to invest in AI technology—specifically designed to replace desk jobs, because heaven forbid anyone has to actually interact with another human. “Imagine a world where faceless algorithms handle everything from customer service to tax returns. It’s the future, folks!” Reeves exclaimed, as the crowd awkwardly looked around, wondering if they were in a sci-fi movie or an economic seminar. Experts have pointed out that investing in AI could lead to significant job loss, but the government assures us that it’s all part of the plan. “With fewer humans working, we can lower employment rates while boosting productivity!” rambled Starmer. “It’s like economics, but with robots! We won’t have to worry about people sleeping in during their 9-to-5.” Meanwhile, businesses are thrilled at the prospect of trading in their overpaid workers for shiny new machines that don’t complain or need tea breaks. As the spectre of last week’s bond market sell-off looms large, investors and voters alike are raising eyebrows. “Where’s the growth?” they wonder, as Starmer insists that AI will create a “multiverse of opportunities.” In a move that has confused economic analysts everywhere, the government is basing its entire economic strategy on the assumption that robots will want to buy things like houses and fancy lattes. Even technology enthusiasts are scratching their heads. “Sure, AI can analyse data, but can it pay my mortgage?” questioned a local techie at the official AI strategy launch event. In reply, Reeves assured him that while robots may not have bank accounts, they will indeed make impressive tax deductions—something that will surely delight the rest of the human workforce. As the nation’s humans continue to snooze through the day, the government remains optimistic that their robotic allies will soon be overseeing everything from agriculture to healthcare. “Who needs human touch when you have machine efficiency?” Starmer proclaimed. With each passing day, the UK hopes to wake up from its collective slumber—if only to discover a world run entirely by robots, and just maybe, humans can finally catch some extra z's without worrying about those pesky job responsibilities.