LONDON – In a stunning and not-at-all unpredictable move, the UK government has decided to abandon its climate change crusade, deciding that top hats, caviar and the raining British weather is far more appealing than actually taking serious action to save the planet. This novel, never-before-seen approach (read: painfully commonplace consistency) is colloquially known as ‘Throwing the Earth under the double-decker bus.’ On the eve of the 28th UN Conference of the Parties (COP28), UK ministers suddenly remembered they had far more important things to worry about, like organising grand garden parties and arguing over the precise shade of blue on the national flag. Saving the world from a climate catastrophe, it seemed, could be put on the back burner – better yet, save it for a rainy day (which, in case you ought to know, comes quite often). The previously self-elected chief firefighter of climate change, known for their relentless and audience-pleasing promises, the UK has now cleverly decided to put out the climate fire with an enormous fan instead. The silent fallback - ironically louder than the Big Ben's bongs - sets a stunning example of what first-in-line global leadership looks like. The UK’s U-turn on climate action did not come without good reason. Of course, one cannot simply abandon their green course without an iron-clad alibi. Thankfully, it seems the government has found its lucky rabbit’s foot in the form of cost; it is just too damn expensive to save the world. It turns out that hosting lavish global conferences and spending billions on space explorations is a bit more affordable and, dare we say, sexier, than investing in renewable energy alternatives and saving animal species from extinction. The revelation of this royal retreat from climate change action – mere weeks following COP28, no less - has left many wondering if Her Majesty’s government dropped an April Fools’ joke in the wrong month. Alas, the bitter irony of leading the world into a climate change conference one month, then casually tossing that responsibility over the shoulder the next month, is not lost on the world. From pushing for an unprecedented growth in renewable energy to dusting off climate action plans left behind by the squirrels in Hyde Park, the UK's retreat is nothing short of a tragic-comical masterpiece. As the world chokes on the rising smoke of climate change, the UK’s new plan is apparently to stick its head in the proverbial sand and hope for the best. One does hope they remember to wear their top hats, though, wouldn't want any sand in their hair. In a world quickly becoming too hot to handle, it seems the UK has decided to leave the oven mitts in the drawer and instead, enjoy a cup of tea while watching the kitchen get gradually warmer. After all, who needs a stable climate when there's an umbrella for every shower and a roaring fireplace for every frosty morning? C'est la vie, darling, C'est la very warm, slowly combusting vie. Expecting responsibility and leadership from a global economical powerhouse? That's so last season.