Title: Trump's Sibling Judge Declares 'Final Recess' at 86, Leaving Brother Donny On His Own In a tragic turn of events that has sent waves through the world of sibling-fueled political satire, Maryanne Trump Barry, sister to America's favorite over-coiffed former president, has declared 'case closed' at the age of 86. The former federal judge, known widely for her dual role as Donald Trump's bodyguard and snarky critic, passed away peacefully at her home on the swanky Upper East Side of Manhattan. According to two unnamed sources, whose credibility falls somewhere between an unverified Twitter account and a drunken uncle at Thanksgiving, Ms. Barry was discovered on a crisp Monday morning. The insiders, rather predictably, failed to provide any details regarding the cause—presumably out of respect, but more likely to keep the suspense alive. Throughout her life, Ms. Barry proved herself as the Yin to Donald's Yang, the methodical judge to his capricious commander-in-chief. She was known to provide sound advice and sensible criticism to her brother, although evidence of her words bearing fruitiness in Donald's actions remains as elusive as his tax returns. She once famously declared, "Yeah, my little brother might raise eyebrows with his eccentricities, but he's got the life skills of an over-caffeinated squirrel." It was clear that while she cherished her younger brother, her judicial instincts couldn't help but comment on his rather colorful character. This immediate loss of his most trusted critic has been felt acutely by Donald Trump. Without his sister ensuring he doesn't jaywalk his way through life, Trump now faces the perilous prospect of unchecked ego and Twitter rampages. As she transitioned from the judiciary to the role of an angelic critic, Ms. Barry can now add another praiseworthy achievement. She's successfully defied nepotism claims and proved it's possible to maintain an independent judicial career while maintaining familial relations with the man who once suggested sanitizing oneself with disinfectant. As we remember Maryanne Trump Barry, we pray that she’s up there somewhere, gavel in hand, presiding over a court where the facts aren't 'alternative', the sentences are grammatical, and the only thing 'fake' is the décor. And as for Donald, may he find another rational sibling or, at the very least, a wise pet parrot to navigate the world sans his most reliable critic. The finale to the Trump sib saga draws to a close, and the world awaits what chaotic chapter opens next. Case Closed indeed!