In a jaw-dropping maneuver that has left political analysts scratching their heads and electric companies rubbing their hands together in glee, former President Donald Trump has recently announced a plan that involves cutting off electric charges to millions of Americans while simultaneously promoting a new line of controversial MAGA-branded power banks. “Why pay your power bill when you can just buy ‘Trump’s True Power Packs’?” Trump exclaimed at a packed rally in a dimly lit gymnasium, where the ambiance was suspiciously reminiscent of a bunker. “They’ll give you all the energy you need, and best of all, they won’t judge you like those pesky utility companies!” His supporters erupted in thunderous applause, although it’s unclear whether it was out of loyalty or sheer confusion about how electricity works. Critics have been quick to jump on this latest power play, alleging that Trump’s proposal is just another way to bankrupt in an already beleaguered economy while promoting his own brand. “It’s like the time he tried to sell steaks at a discount store,” scoffed one energy analyst. “This is just a bad infomercial waiting to happen.” In addition to the electric charges being cut off, Trump has announced a series of wild new policies aimed at reinvigorating American energy consumption, including “Power Up Fridays,” a day where citizens are encouraged to fill their homes with various kinds of battery-operated devices powered by his new product. “This is an incredible way to tap into the spirit of innovation,” he insisted. “Why read a book about electricity when you can just charge your phone with MAGA energy?” Opponents of the plan are voicing concerns about the potential consequences of a nationwide blackout, but Trump is undeterred. “Let the haters hate! They don’t understand real power,” he proclaimed, while his fans cheered wildly, many holding solar-powered Trump flags that conveniently only worked during the day. In an ironic twist of fate, several energy experts have noted that Trump’s proposed power banks are actually powered by coal-based energy, contradicting the very principles of sustainable energy he claims to champion. When questioned, Trump brushed off these critiques, stating, “I love coal! It’s going to make coal great again!” The electrical grid, however, was not so enamored with the proposal. Public utility companies around the nation issued a joint statement declaring, “Please don’t cut us off. Electricity is literally what keeps the lights on!” They are currently awaiting guidance from the White House, which has promised a response that includes more hot air than a summer breeze in empty stadiums. As the nation prepares for what experts are calling “the long dark of Trump’s energy adventure,” Americans are left with a simple choice: invest in the questionable products of a questionable leader or sit in the dark while pondering the electric chaos of contemporary political theater. Only time will tell if this electrifying saga results in more sparks or just a whole lot of hot air.