In a stunning display of political acumen and unwavering commitment to crony capitalism, former President Donald Trump has unveiled his latest power moves, showcasing his “Dream Team” for a new era of governance marked by insider connections and, let’s face it, a generous sprinkle of nepotism. In a move that’s being hailed (at least by Trump’s family) as a “brilliant strategic choice,” Andrew Ferguson has been tapped to lead the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), taking over the reins from Lina Khan, who previously dared to suggest that corporate America should actually play fair. Khan’s reign was characterized by her alarming tendency to step on the toes of corporate giants like Amazon and Meta, who apparently felt that anticompetitive behavior was just a misunderstood business strategy. With Ferguson in charge, the FTC is poised to become the new playground for unethical business practices, where “competition” is merely a suggestion rather than a rule. While Ferguson prepares to roll back regulations that restrict the freewheeling nature of profiteering, Trump felt it was also the perfect time to expand his international outreach program. Enter Kimberly Guilfoyle, self-proclaimed media maven and girlfriend of his son, Don Jr. In her new role as Ambassador to Greece, Guilfoyle is expected to leverage her extensive knowledge of cocktail parties, Instagram filters, and unsolicited opinions to enhance diplomatic ties. “What’s the point of being Ambassador if you can’t enjoy some fabulous Mediterranean sunsets and upload them for the followers?” she reportedly exclaimed. And the cherry on top of Trump’s sundae of connections is the announcement of Tom Barrack’s appointment as Ambassador to… well, wherever he can find a nice beach and a good golf course. Barrack, who once chaired Trump’s inauguration committee, is poised to foster relationships that prioritize personal profit over political allegiance. Critics are already speculating whether his first official duty will involve securing exclusive deals for “Trump-branded” sandals for American tourists. Political experts note that this arrangement has the potential to redefine the term “public service.” “Why worry about democratic processes or competition? Just appoint your friends and family, and watch the magic happen,” said one unnamed insider. “It’s foolproof!” As Trump builds his cadre of trusted allies in the halls of power, the nation braces for what promises to be an administration focused primarily on maintaining the Trump brand rather than ensuring fair competition, while eagerly awaiting Guilfoyle’s Instagram stories filled with picturesque views of Greece—complete with captions that somehow tie back to the greatness of the Trump legacy. In the end, who needs competition when you’ve got connections, fabulous vacations, and a fleet of loyal supporters ready to shape a future where fairness isn't just optional—it's downright laughable.