In a stunning turn of events, former President Donald Trump has taken to Twitter to announce his latest plan for revolutionizing America’s electric vehicle (EV) infrastructure — a national network of “haunted” charging stations inspired by America’s love for gimmicks and fear of the unknown. The initiative, dubbed “Trump’s Electric Maze,” promises to electrify not only vehicles but also the public’s imagination, or at least their ability to navigate through spooky animatronics. “Why settle for boring charging stations with boring plugs when you can have charging stations that come alive with ghosts, goblins, and a bit of good ole American horror?” Trump tweeted, shortly after midnight, and just before a series of poorly spelled tweets about how China is stealing our “chargety-dongles.” The plan involves converting every charging station into a whimsical haunted house experience, complete with frights, delights, and the occasional awkward interaction with a lifelike replica of Trump himself, strategically placed to give motivational speeches about the virtues of battery-powered vehicles while simultaneously deriding windmills as the work of witches. Critics, however, are concerned that “Trump’s Electric Maze” could be less about charging EVs and more about charging forward into confusion, as drivers are forced to navigate through jump scares, fog machines, and actors portraying disgruntled former employees. “Do we really want to plug in our Teslas while being threatened by a ghost with a golf club?” one enraged EV owner tweeted. “I just want to charge my car, not my fear of the afterlife!” The former president, undaunted by the backlash, responded with fervor, declaring, “This is what America needs! A little fear goes a long way. Plus, it gives people something else to focus on while they wait for their cars to charge — like whether or not they’ll be the next victim of the ‘Electric Spook Monster!’” Moreover, Trump dismissed the idea that his initiative might derail important discussions around the country’s EV leadership position and infrastructure adequacy. “Infrastructure can be built while you’re scared,” he insisted, adding, “Great for the economy and great for the thrill-seekers. We need to entertain our drivers! What were you expecting? A sensible plan? Where’s the excitement in that?” Undeterred, America’s EV manufacturers are reacting with mixed feelings. Tesla CEO Elon Musk sarcastically tweeted, “Can’t wait to see if we can get the ‘Maze Charging’ option in the next software update,” followed by a series of ominous emojis. Meanwhile, Rivian has released a statement vowing that their trucks will proudly carry the “Not Haunted” label, assuring consumers that no ghosts will interfere with their prime features. As the public grapples with the future of EV charging amid chainsaw-wielding clowns and fog-enhanced charging stations, many are left wondering whether they should invest their time and energy into finding charging stations or simply invest in a therapy session after navigating the maze. In an encouraging twist, fast-food chains are reportedly thrilled by the prospect, already brainstorming ways to serve “Haunted Burger” meals that come with a side of mystery and free fries topped with “fear sauce.” And as America stands poised at the charging grid crossroads of potential, one thing remains certain: the road ahead may be electric, but it’s sure to be paved with confusion, screams, and more than a few tweets — each one earning a like from the former president before sunrise.